The Eve of Christmas

I know that you know what we did for Christmas Eve before I even say it.

We robbed a train.

Wait. No. That was Flag Day.

We had a piñata at my cousin's house, of course!

I ate 17 bowls of Chex mix, of course!

I spent all year thinking of trinkets to put into the piñata, of course!

And it was a most spectacular evening.

Of course.

This year, Mykey 3D printed a gaggle of fidget toys and I smartly cushioned them in bubble wrap after last year's destruction. I contributed parachute men, bouncy balls from Old Navy, and a roll of quarters. My mom contributed slap sticky hands. My cousin hassled me about the parachute men when I told him beforehand that I was buying them. He thought they would be the lame-o ones we had growing up that always tangled and never floated well.

WRONG!

These were smartly engineered parachute men from the far away land of Amazon that floated perfectly and didn't get tangled at all.  The parachutes were made from actual fabric! He had to apologize to me when all the parachute men were the favorite toy of the evening. Victory was mine! (But it isn't a competition so quit being a jerk, Booney.)   

The piñata was some creepy looking baby from Cocomelon. Don't know what that is, but once the baby was smashed to bits, all the kids took turns wearing its legs like a diaper. Not weird at all.

As the excitement increased, Baby was a little terrified of the noise and the whacking so Mykey had to take her to a different room and play with her there. After the smash and grab was over, we sang the 12 Days of Christmas and I read Luke 2 aloud. The kids swapped and bartered their wares, we tracked Santa, and then we shuttled ourselves home for a long winter's nap.

I can't wait to see Baby on Christmas morning.

Santa Claus is coming to town!

Fairgrounds in Lights

I wanted to keep the Christmas spirit flowing so we ventured out to see a light display at the fairgrounds. It was a drive-through display which seemed ideal - mainly because I could eat cookies as we drove.

Which is exactly what I did.

The entire display was synchronized to music and it ended up being fantastic! Everyone was warm and comfy, and the fudge-covered peanut butter cookies from Aldi did not disappoint.

When we arrived home, the stairs leading down to the condo were a bit slippery.  I was wearing my Birkenstocks, which are completely appropriate winter attire. I took a few steps down the stairs and turned back to warn my compadres that it was slick and they should be careful. As I faced forward to resume my descent, I slipped and fell. I hit my backside and slid all the way down, hitting each stair on the way - there were 12 wooden steps that I bounced down. It was as if they were spring-loaded, each step launching me neatly to the next one down. I thought I might fall off the edge of the landing and roll to the bottom of the steep hill.

After my thrill ride was over, I laid at the bottom of the steps for a moment, wondering if I was dead or broken in all my bones. 

I'm too old for this kind of nonsense.

It hurt. It hurt real, real bad.

And I lost the rest of our cookies. That was the saddest part.

I was sore and bruised in the days that followed.

Yes, that is my bum. Get over it.

Did I mention that I'm too old for this nonsense.

Merry ding-dang Christmas!

Dollywood in Lights

At the offset of Christmas break, we decided it would be a fantastic idea to create memories by going to gawk at the millions of lights illuminating Dollywood.  We thought Baby would be enraptured by the glitz. We thought Sissy would love pushing Baby around in the stroller as the gawking commenced. 

Wrong.

On all accounts we were wrong, wrong, wrong.

First, the crowds were swarming. Like, there's-free-money-falling-from-the-sky swarming. We had to park in the great beyond called the waterpark section. And then we had to circle the lot for 10 minutes to even procure a spot once we were out there. Then we began the long schlep to the tram. Then we waited in a long line for the tram. But our spirits were still merry and bright.

And then Mykey's app crashed and he couldn't find our tickets. We had to mill around while he stood in a long line to get help with our tickets. While we were waiting, Sissy found a stool to rest her bum on. It was short-lived when she was shooed away by an employee. Thanks for nothin' man.

Oh, and did I mention it was cold out? Good thing I was wearing my heated birthday vest!

Our spirits were dimming a little and Baby wasn't enraptured at all by the lights. Baby also didn't want to sit in her stroller and did a lot of this:

Sissy was getting anxious with the crowds and the crying baby and did a lot of grinching.

Mykey and I decided to have a good time despite the circumstances, and after bribing her with a giant tub of cotton candy, Sissy decided to have a good time as well.

We did a quick loop around the park and bolted to make the long journey back to the tram.

We had another long wait in line while Baby cried and screamed.

But we caught the fireworks in the parking lot!

Whew. Not the Christmas delightfulness I was hoping for.

The next morning we stopped at Buc-ee's for a burrito. It heals wounds. Most of 'em anyway.

And then the girls promptly crashed.

I hope this isn't a sign of how the entirety of our Christmas break is going to be.

Merry ding-dang Christmas! 

A Spelling Tale

Once upon a time, my daughter made it into the finals of her middle school spelling bee. There were 18 finalists out of a student body of over 800. I was impressed that she was in the finals, but certainly not surprised.

My daughter was devoted and studious in the weeks leading up to the event. I dictated words to her every single night. There were lots and lots and lots of words to learn. Some of the words were very tricky, like lieutenant and chlorofluorocarbon. It was tedious and time-consuming. But my daughter cracked on and fit in spelling words between all of her extracurriculars.

She was tired.

Finally, the big day arrived. We started the morning with a nourishing mound of bacon for breakfast. 

Just before lunchtime, I drove myself to the school to watch my daughter compete. 

I was nervous. I was sweaty. I had a swirly-whirly stomach. I think my daughter did also.

Round after round I watched her compete. Round after round these kids just kept correctly spelling words. Round after round I sweated through my shirt and jacket. Soon there were only 10 kids left. Then 6. Then 5. Then 3.

I felt like I might pee in my pants. 

And then there were 2. My daughter was one of them! They went a few more rounds until finally...the other kid misspelled a word. My daughter walked trepidatiously to the microphone. The final word was dictated. If she spelled it correctly, she would win the spelling bee!

I sat on the edge of my chair. I nearly vomited as I waited for the winning word to be called. At last, the word echoed from the loudspeakers: equality.

In this moment, I knew that my daughter was going to win the spelling bee.

And win she did!

A week later, she and the runner-up were recognized at the school pep assembly and were awarded trophies. The principal announced my daughter's name as, "Ava Maze." He definitely wouldn't win a spelling bee.

Now my daughter will move on to the district spelling bee in January. And we will all live happily ever after.

The End.

Bah, bah, bah, bah, BAND

Sissy had her very first band concert to celebrate the holidays. I didn't get to enjoy watching her play because she was sitting in the back behind all the music stands. I couldn't even get a glimpse of her feet.

But...when they all marched in wearing santa hats, I hollered out at her and all her little friends.  Sissy did not appreciate it but I was quite pleased with my hollering.

Baby was enthralled for approximately 2 minutes, and then I frantically tried to keep her quiet with marshmallows and my travel size container of Vaseline. She ate some of each. And then the Vaseline was lost in the depths of the auditorium.

Our cousins came for the concert so that was nice to have their company, and the band sounded great for a gaggle of little middle schoolers.  I was impressed.

And I was also grateful that it was short and sweet. 

Hooray for Sissy and her dedication to learning the trombonie!

Water Sissy

Sissy joined the middle school swim team this year. She has been on a non-competitive team for a little while but the school team was a big change for us. She now had swim practice every weekday for 2 hours. And there was a 90% attendance policy. Whew. 

Sissy was sore and tired at first but she built up her endurance and was looking like a Sissy torpedo by the end. I was impressed with her coach and the way he taught life skills in addition to swimming. He was strict but fair and Sissy respected him for it. She had a great season of growth. It was exciting to watch her.

Let me give you a glimpse of her improvement over the course of the season from beginning of the season to the end:

25 Freestyle: beginning: 22.75 ending: 19.89

50 Freestyle: beginning: 50.67 ending: 41.90

50 Backstroke: beginning: 52.37 ending: 47.91

50 Breaststroke: beginning: 55.90 ending: 47.18

It was fun to go to the meets and cheer her on. I loved seeing her confidence in the water grow. I was very proud. Sissy took practice seriously and never complained about going every night. And she especially enjoyed riding on the bus with the team to away meets. 

After the final meet of the season, we celebrated with balloons.

Congratulations to Sissy!

Thanks-a-givin

We were graciously invited to my sister's house in Rhode Island for Thanksgiving.  Or maybe I graciously invited myself. Either way, it worked, and we found ourselves on a long journey up north.

And I mean long. Because of this:

I guess everyone else also invited themselves to their sister's house.

No matter. We had a new kitty to keep us company. My niece desperately wanted a cat and couldn't find one for a reasonable price so my sister asked if I could possibly bring one with us. I poked around on the interweb and found Steven. He lived with us for a couple of weeks and during that time, Michael fell in love. 

He really was a sweet little guy.

But back to Thanksgiving. Did I tell you I invited myself to Rhode Island?  Well, I did and it was totally worth it. I had a lovely time. "What made it lovely?" you might ask. I'll tell ya.

We played games like Skittles, Lord of the Rings Risk, Skull King, and Polish Poker with cards from a cottage cheese container.

We watched Wicked. Well...some of us watched Wicked. Some of us stayed in the lobby with Baby the whole night.  My sister and I took turns. We chose the later show because Baby was supposed to fall asleep during the movie. She was still wired at 10:30. Turns out my brother-in-law let her suck down half of his Coke Zero before the show. Way to go, Jared.

We ate delicious food. Every meal was delicious. Yeasted waffles, clam chowder, biscuits, guacamole, and the prettiest charcuterie boards you ever did see. I ate about a gallon of pimento cheese. Worth it.

My sister also took a tip from a patient and greased up a paper bag to cook the Thanksgiving bird inside. It seemed like a questionable idea when her arms were covered to the elbow with Crisco, but it actually turned out great.  Who knew?

We had ice cream at the Ice Cream Barn.

We set up for Christmas and Baby loved the train set. Almost as much as my brother-in-law.

We went to the Boston temple to do baptisms. It was beautiful and serene. Sissy accidentally left her underpants behind when she changed out of her wet clothes and my sister kept bringing it up to annoy her. It's an aunt's duty to lovingly heckle.

We stopped by a nerd store in Boston that Michael has long wished to visit. It's called Micro Center. That guy darted around like it was a theme park. When I took their picture, Baby hung her head in shame to be with nerds. She got over it quickly though when I let her roam free. Then she darted around like it was a theme park.

Baby did a lot of darting about over the week and she done wore herself out.

And of course...of course, of course, of course, we talked and laughed and talked and laughed.

Dadgum the days flew by. I loved every minute. Except the drive home. It was long. And long. Baby lost it at Wendy's when I wouldn't let her drink my soda. It was time to get home.

But it was a wonderful trip. How grateful and blessed I am to have my siblings as friends.

Happy Thanksgiving!