MOM!

It was Mother's Day and I was excited for my annual Mother's Day chicken pot pie. I went ahead and purchased it myself from good ol' Sam's Club because I wasn't sure if Mykey knew that my day was fast approaching. 

Turns out he didn't.

But thankfully Walmart is open 24 hours so he could get me this bounty. 

Someone with tiny hands was eager to bust open those peach rings. Someone with sausage fingers was equally eager so it worked out for everyone.

If you're feeling uninspired and curious about what kind of Mother's Day card AI will generate for you, this is it:

The robot machine captured my beautifully stunning hair and petite waist perfectly. It's like looking in a mirror. 

Luckily Mykey wrote me a sincere note on the back. Good call on his part. He also lovingly created this sign for my desk. 

Notice anything weird? It ain't 2027 folks.

Poor Mykey and his inability to track time. We had a good chuckle and now it's displayed proudly on my desk regardless. 

We had a lazy day eating all my treats and all my chicken pot pie. 

And we also hung around on the porch drinking soda. It was bliss. 

I love being a mom. And most days I don't even mind the housework and all the other nonsense that accompanies being the mom. 

Most days. 

Happy Mother's Day to me!

Finger Nubs

We finally did it. We finished our porch. I want to point out that I personally attached all 95 balusters with my own 10 sausage fingers. Well...Mykey had to rescue me on one of them when I stripped the screw. Whoops. Mykey then assembled everything else because he is amazing that way. He was especially proud of his decision to add molding to the bottom of the posts. 

Looks purty.

When we started stripping the paint from the posts I had deep regret. Hours and hours of work trying to scrub off the 452 layers of paint. The paint stripper barely touched it. After calling my handy-woman sissy in despair, she gave me sage advice and I ended up using a combination of stripper, acetone, mineral spirits, and steel wool. Not all together, of course. I didn't want to asphyxiate myself with toxic fumes. I would toil away on the paint and then Mykey would use the sander once enough layers of paint were gone.

The worst were the rounded edges and crevices. They nearly broke my spirit. 

But we made it and boy am I happy with the outcome. I can sit on the porch in my classy camp chair and stare at our hard work. Look at our beautiful porch!

How divine.

24 for Reals

My niece turned 24 a couple of days after Mykey fossilized. She spent the day doing birthday things with her family. After she gorged on sushi for dinner, she shuffled over to my house for dessert. 

I made her a chocolate cake. In case you think I was having a stroke when I haphazardly put the candles on top - don't. Baby arranged them. (She might have been having a stroke.) 

My niece stripped her baby down to his birthday-cake-eating-outfit (it's the same thing Mykey wore), we sang the birthday ditty, and I gave her a most valuable and thoughtful gift. 

A Sam's Club size treasure of Froot by the Foot. Naturally. They were even 4th of July themed!

Now, before you start thinking I'm a schmuck, I also gave her a gift card for one free overnight babysitting. Talk about valuable. I'd say it's priceless, really. 

Happy Birthday to my young and vibrant niece!

50 for Reals

This guy is 50. Weird.

Even weirder is that I still love him. I wonder how old he'll be when I'm completely disgusted by his oldness. Stay tuned.

So what do you do with a guy who's 50? You put him to work so his joints don't lock up. 

After his chores are done, he can have a nice, juicy steak dinner.

And creme brulee for dessert. 

And then he can have a fun card. 

Gifts are tricky for 50-year-olds since they've been around for so long they have everything they need. But candy from his daughter always works.

And if you're the wife, give him money towards a dust collection system for his saws and such. He'll like it.

Sounds like he had a great day.

Happy 50th birthday to Mykey!

Music in the Parks

Being a band kid finally paid off for Sissy this Spring. Her band performed in a festival and then partied at Dollywood for the day. Parents were invited to be chaperones for the low, low price of $125. Hmmm...spending the day at a theme park with a load of middle schoolers AND having to be responsible for keeping them alive and well?

No thank you. 

But I do appreciate those parents who are generous enough to watch after my middle schooler all day long. And I do mean all day. They met at the school before 8am and didn't return until nearly 11pm. 

Oh, and it rained on and off for the entirety.

Good thing I'm too lazy and cheap to be a chaperone.

But Sissy had a great time. Their performance earned a superior rating and they took 1st place in their group. Hooray!

Sissy also successfully conquered her fear of rollercoasters, drained my phone battery, and spent every penny of the money I gave her.

It was a triumphant Saturday indeed. 

Congratulations to Sissy!

Adjectives

How to describe my Baby:

Fashion forward

Animal advocate

Weather witting

Rollicking roller

Bubble blaster

Cat food connoisseur

Perhaps you also noticed that Baby is only wearing pajamas. She refuses to don regular clothes. 

Hey, quit judging me. 

Pre-Birthday Bash

My darling husband has a birthday coming up. We won't talk about the fact that he's turning 50. (Shudder) We WILL talk about the fact that his birthday is on a Thursday this year. Thursday! To maximize the number of people who could attend his 50th birthday dinner, we held it early on a Sunday. 

My cousin and his family came over, my niece and her family came over, and my niece's mother-in-law was in town so we allowed her to come over too. Lasagna was on the menu. It was DIVINE.

Mykey chose cheesecake as his fabulous birthday treat, and his birthday buddy chose strawberry rhubarb pie. 

Unfortunately, I couldn't find rhubarb anywhere. I went to 5 grocery stores and finally admitted defeat. 

So he changed his mind and requested anything berry. I went triple berry and it was DIVINE.

Don't worry - I will make him a strawberry rhubarb pie whenever I stumble upon the elusive rhubarb.

My cousin gave Mykey a Lego minifig display case and 3 figures to begin his collection: Sloth from Goonies, Chewbacca, and a guy in a hot dog suit. It was perfect. 

My only faux pas was that I forgot to get the candles out for the Happy Birthday song. I remembered as we were eating our dessert. Myke's birthday buddy was turning 47 and I said, "Well, great! Now what am I supposed to do with this 4 and 7 candle? Who's turning 4 or 7 this year? No one! Who else is turning 47? No one!"

And then the crowd pointed out that Booney is turning 47 this year. Use the candles for her. I was embarrassed and ashamed that I'm going to be so old that I've lost all critical thinking skills.

Ah, well. Just add it to the list of things I've lost. It can go right underneath "bladder control."

It was a wonderful evening and I was grateful to have my home full of people who love my 50-year-old husband.

Happy early birthday, boys!