If you want to have a really delightful 4th of July, go visit my parents in small-town Idaho. It will take you a long time to drive there and you’ll be exhausted.
But once you arrive, it will be a spectacular trip.
You'll get to be in the parade. If you’re Michael, you’ll use your position as candy-thrower to bean a defenseless woman in the face while she holds her baby. If you’re a normal person, you’ll be a responsible candy-thrower.
You'll see cousins at the fireworks and have a million glow sticks to play with.
My dad will take you to watch a Chukars baseball game where he will buy you cotton candy AND a snow cone. You’ll also get an autographed baseball while you’re at it.
Of course they’ll be lots of time to pet Dexter and to ride on your horse, Strawberry. That horse will take you all the way through the desert, to Oregon, and Outer Space. What an equine! My sister Chris will even bring her cotton candy machine over and make you any flavor you want.
You’ll get to eat ice cream every night, have bon fires in the backyard, and you can watch my siblings do a triathlon together.
The only negative is that the trip will be over far too quickly and you’ll have to cram back into the car for a long drive home. But, Eva is a great navigator and you won’t get lost along the way.
And you can take my niece home with you. That may be the best part of all.
Well, that and the new baby doll my dad will give you.
Oh! You simply must go!
