First Spring Break

Once upon a time, in a long ago month called March, my sister and mom drove a great distance to spend Spring Break with me.

It was wonderful.

We had a truckload of fun.

I was sad when they drove a great distance home again.

But I entertained them real-real-good while they were here.

Just look:

I took them for a walk up to the high school near my house where my niece found a disgusting snake.

I also made my sissy pull my ancient dog in the wagon after his legs gave out.

But after she finished that chore, I took them to the beach where someone was pummeled by a sneaky wave.

But we ate lots of yummy snacks and found about a billion shells.

We even climbed to the top of an enormous sand dune, where the wind blew little grains of misery into our eyes.  But the view was gorgeous.  (I think.  My eyes were full of sand so what do I know.)

They seemed to still be enjoying my company, so I bought them pizza from my favorite little shop.

And then we took a hike to see  waterfalls.  I even let my nephew wear a CamelBak full of lemonade so he'd have to urinate multiple times during our adventure.

We headed to Trader Joe's for some grocery-store shenanigans and peanut butter cups.

And can you believe that they were still enjoying my company?  So we went swimming and rock climbing at the Kroc center to celebrate.

Heck, I even made them a green Shepherd's Pie for St. Patty's day.

We also hung out and played with toys.  And we definitely ate Uncle Myke's famous popcorn while playing Fibbage every night.

Wow!  We sure did have a wonderful Spring Break.  I'm sure my sister will want to drive a great distance to come see me again sometime.  I'm positive she will.

Please?  I made you green Shepherd's Pie!

Numero Five-o

My daughter lost her 5th tooth recently.  Soon my daughter will have no teeth left to lose. That will be a sad day, but it will also be a very good day for my pocketbook.  I mean...the Tooth Fairy's pocketbook.

It was a biggie this time - a front tooth!

Eva carefully crafted her request to the Fairy of the Night.  (Hmmm...maybe that's not a good nickname for the Tooth Fairy.)  I'll work on that.

 In case you're wondering why my daughter was biting my sweater, let me explain.  I DON'T KNOW! She's been on a kick recently where she bites my clothes and thrashes around like a dog with a rag doll.  I don't get it and I don't like it.  Hence, my 'yanking' of the sweater from her jaws.

Of course, my little princess went ahead and asked for Zotz - only the most impossible candy to find unless you live near a quaint drugstore in small-town Idaho.  Which I don't.  Hence, the Cuspid Collector had to improvise. (Hmmm...maybe that's not a good nickname either.)

Kitty didn't seem to mind that she didn't get the Zotz.  After all, she scored 7 quarters! Later that afternoon I told Kitty we could spend her wealth at the quarter machines in the mall.  First, I had to quickly help someone move.  Well, that quickly turned into a 3 hour project.  Kitty was very patient even though she was dying to spend her loot.  One of the guys helping with the move was impressed with Kitty's tolerance and gave her 6 more quarters to add to her stash.  My kitty was able to spend 13 quarters on the machines in the mall. 13!

I didn't tell her that she spent $3.25 on approximately 80¢ worth of candy.  I'm just happy Kitty felt like she hit the jackpot. 

That Weirdo with Wings sure knows how to make a kid happy.

Hmmm...now that's a nickname.

Report Card

Eva received her 2nd term report card a few weeks ago.  On a scoring scale of 1-4, she scored 3’s and 4’s in every category.  We didn’t have to go to parent teacher conference because her teacher had nothing to talk to us about.  I’m sure it would have just been an embarrassing brag session.  Mrs. Nielsen sent home her evaluation on paper instead of in person.  Here she be:

I feel like a responsible parent would feel obligated to tell their yakker to be quiet during class time.

I feel no such obligation.

Given that she is the product of 2 awkwardly-quiet parents, I’m relieved she’s social. 

Plus, I’m not a responsible parent.

Animal Clinic

I have a new job! 

I am now working at an animal hospital.  From home.  I’m not really interested in this field and I’m not fond of sick animals, but here I am.

I have strict orders from my boss on how to care for the animals in our hospital.  I currently have 2 patients in my care; it’s going well so far.

Tiffany the otter is sick with a cold.  Her symptoms include coughing, sneezing, and weakness.  She also has a fever of 190°!  I’m tenderly wiping her nose and rubbing her back when she coughs.

Fantasia the rainbow-unicorn-kitty had a most unfortunate accident.  She fell out of an airplane and landed on train tracks.  Then a train came and ran over her paw!  I tenderly wrapped her paw with a bandage and I’m comforting her when the pain is unbearable.

Boy, this is a tough job.

My boss will be home from Kindergarten this afternoon.  I sure hope she approves of my work.

Alrighty Then

Well…I guess that’s one way to use a rocking chair.

That wood frame poking into your back sure is relaxing. 

100!

Kitty has been in Kindergarten for 100 days.  Time flies when you’re having fun being smart!  Kitty made a hat to celebrate.

And wrote a book.

(Explanation: I downloaded a “free” Disney app for her and it only came with one playroom.  You can then purchase the entire package of playrooms for a mere $7.99.  Kitty wanted to buy the rest of the playrooms and of course I told her no.  If only she had 100 dollars...)

She also made a necklace out of Froot Loops and then proceeded to ask me a million times why I never buy her Froot Loops.

Same reason I won’t buy her more playrooms in the Disney app.

Because I’m cheap. 

Maybe she’ll learn that on her 135th day of Kindergarten.

Valentine’s Day

We had our first school Valentine’s Day and I am shocked at the booty.  Kitty came home with so much candy, the holiday really should be called Val-oween.  Look!

I was slightly appalled but mostly jealous.  I found myself saying, “When I was a kid…” 

I’ve reached that point where I want my daughter to know just how good her life is.  Here was my speech: “Well, when I was a kid, I was lucky to get a couple of measly conversation hearts in the envelope with my Valentine card.  And the hearts had all been fondled by the giver as he or she picked out one with an appropriate saying printed on it.  You didn’t want to give someone you found repulsive a heart that said, “Hot Stuff.”  Sometimes I would hit the jackpot and get a heart-shaped sucker that came from a string of suckers.  They were red hearts with a little white layer on top that came off when you touched it to your tongue.  It was very exciting.”

Eva wasn’t listening and didn’t care or sympathize with my plight.  She just kept stirring around her candy while she exclaimed, “Look at how much I got!”

There are 30 kids in Eva's class so we decided to make something rather than buy 2 boxes of crappy Valentine cards with 25 each and have a million left over.  (I say “we” decided, but mostly I did.)  She diligently filled out each little card and chose to use pink pen for girls, blue for boys.  They turned out great!

Someone who loves Eva very much also left a few surprises for her.  The requisite bedroom door decorations and gifts.  This someone really loves holidays.  And her Kitty.

Happy Val-oween!