Lackadaisical Approach

My laziness as a parent is steadily climbing to its pinnacle.  Being childless for so many years, I had gobs of time to think about all the faults of other parents, and how I was not going to be like those lazy weasels.

Now I have a kid and I’m like those lazy weasels. And I only have 1 kid – can you imagine the depths of my lazy weasely-ness if I had multiple children?  I shudder.

When Eva first started Kindergarten, I was fervent about getting out the door on time.  School starts at 9:15, we were in the car at 9:00. Sometimes 8:59.  Those were especially good days when I was running the morning like a four-star general. 

Now it’s January.  Can you see the weasel fur growing along my spine?  It’s there and it’s coming in thick.

School still starts at 9:15 but now we’re shuffling to the car around 9:08, sometimes 9:10 if I’ve spent too much time putting mustache wax on my weasel whiskers.  I’m basically driving Eva up to the school, slowing the car down to a crawl, and shoving her out the door while shouting, “Tuck and roll, baby!  Tuck and roll!” 

I partly dawdle getting Eva to school because I hate having her leave me every morning.  All of these months later and my heart still aches when I watch her walk through the front doors of the school.  It’s sad driving back to my empty burrow with only a geriatric dog for company.  I mean, I love the old canine but he pees on the floor and doesn't respond when I ask for his opinion on the way I’ve coifed my fur.   

Getting to school is not my only struggle.  Sometime during the week, my eyes will widen and I’ll think, “Hmmm…when’s the last time Eva had a bath?”  I usually can't precisely pinpoint the day.  Eva never volunteers to bathe herself and she never knows the last time she was washed either – a right weasel-in-training.  I’ve now had to write on her calendar the days she needs to bathe.  But even then I don’t always follow through – it’s hard to wash her hair with my tiny weasel arms. 

You’d think I’d be more together since I only have 1 child and no job. 

You’d think that, but you’d be wrong.

That’s a lazy weasel for you.