Christmas Break Style

Christmas may have vanished, but there's still some time left on the clock before the school bell calls Sissy back. 

Sounds to me like we can't just sit around watching our toenails grow. (Which is what we usually do).

Instead, we'll have adventures galore!

Really exciting adventures!

Like moving all of our crap out of an expensive storage unit into a less expensive storage unit. 

And making and gobbling up dozens of donuts.

And going for a stroll through the trees.

Baby tried to gather all of the sticks in the forest. She good cavebaby.

And having sandwiches at our favorite country store.

And meticulously painting a figurine. Sissy did this one. It's a shame that Baby snapped the staff off with her grabby hands.

And making time for conversation and really listening to Jeff.

I love when school is out and we have time for adventures galore. If only it happened more often.

Happy Christmas break!

18 Months

The day after Christmas landed us at the doctor's office for Baby's 18-month checkup. Do you know when you should go to the doctor?

The day after Christmas. 

That place was dead as a doornail, Smalls. The waiting room was empty, the service was prompt, and I found myself a new date to conduct all of my doctorly business. 

Unfortunately, Baby wasn't hyped about being there. 

She cried. She screamed. She didn't want anyone to touch her or conduct their doctorly business. You can't really blame her...theys were giving her them shots. AND she had some blood drawn. It was traumatic for everyone. 

So here's how Baby stacks up at 18-months old:

Height: 2' 10'': 95th percentile

Weight: 25.6 lbs: 81st percentile

Head circumference: 32nd percentile

Baby is such a delight at this age. She is curious, curious, curious. She loves to dance, suck on every lotion bottle, soap dispenser, and cleaning product she can get her grubby little hands on, she loves to read, snuggle, carries around the toilet plunger, and will pat me on the back as her way of saying she loves me. Baby is starting to say words and it is fun to hear her little voice. She says thank you, Sissy, heavy, awesome, stinky, and bless you just to name a few.

My heart rejoices when I look at my beautiful girl!

I can't believe she is already 18-months. They have been wonderful months indeed!

Ye Olde Christmas Day

Be prepaaaared!

(Did you just sing that like the song from Lion King? That's what I was going for.)

Be prepared for a gazillion Christmas morning pictures. This is the only warning I will give.

We had a wonderful Christmas day. As usual, we had to wake Sissy up to open presents. Baby slept in a bit since we went to bed late, so that was a nice break from her usual pre-dawn routine. Santa carefully filled our stockings and piled gifts under the tree. Then he was kind enough to snap a photo before scurrying back up the chimney.

The old boy was very generous this year. Baby received necklaces and fruit snacks in her stocking. She had those eaten before we were done opening gifts. There was also a Koosh ball, a water bottle, bath toys, and 2 books: "Uni the Unicorn" and "Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb". We read the latter over and over again. 

 

Sissy was the proud new owner of the video game Cuphead, TriForce earrings, The One ring, every color of Posca marker, Weird but True book and her annual gift of the National Geographic Almanac, Ferrofluid, a swim coat, a pen that looks like Harry Potter's wand, a Movie Cats calendar, and loads and loads of candy. Her favorite gift of all was Zelda controllers for the Nintendo Switch. Mrs. Claus almost didn't purchase those. It was an impulse buy and I talked myself out of it 4 times before I did it. Thank goodness for Santa and his ability to see the future and know that Sissy would adore them. 

 

Sissy drew us a picture of an outline of a family photo. I loved it.

Mykey received a DNA test kit, a new Cirkul water bottle, and the entire Shadow book series. Sissy painstakingly designed and 3D printed a case to hold all the books. Hours and hours went into that project. It was amazing in the end.

Booney received new wooden spatulas and a bracelet. But no one took any photos because Booney is obviously unimportant. (I kid, I kid. I know I'm not unimportant. I'm just unnoticed) 

We spent the balance of the day continuing our work on an impossible puzzle of the map of the Zelda world. It was Sissy's birthday gift from cousins and it was the worst puzzle of all time. Everything was the same color. Between the frustration of not being able to find connecting pieces, and Baby knocking things off the table every 2 minutes, we gave up. 

Very unsatisfying.

But don't worry, Baby had plenty of satisfaction having us read "Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb" 10,563,987 times.

As the afternoon rolled forth, I made a real Christmas dinner, complete with Honey Baked ham and butter rolls. (She never does that!) When I asked Sissy to sit up nicely and smile, I received this:

And that sums it up.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!  

The Eve of Christmas

I know that you know what we did for Christmas Eve before I even say it.

We robbed a train.

Wait. No. That was Flag Day.

We had a piñata at my cousin's house, of course!

I ate 17 bowls of Chex mix, of course!

I spent all year thinking of trinkets to put into the piñata, of course!

And it was a most spectacular evening.

Of course.

This year, Mykey 3D printed a gaggle of fidget toys and I smartly cushioned them in bubble wrap after last year's destruction. I contributed parachute men, bouncy balls from Old Navy, and a roll of quarters. My mom contributed slap sticky hands. My cousin hassled me about the parachute men when I told him beforehand that I was buying them. He thought they would be the lame-o ones we had growing up that always tangled and never floated well.

WRONG!

These were smartly engineered parachute men from the far away land of Amazon that floated perfectly and didn't get tangled at all.  The parachutes were made from actual fabric! He had to apologize to me when all the parachute men were the favorite toy of the evening. Victory was mine! (But it isn't a competition so quit being a jerk, Booney.)   

The piñata was some creepy looking baby from Cocomelon. Don't know what that is, but once the baby was smashed to bits, all the kids took turns wearing its legs like a diaper. Not weird at all.

As the excitement increased, Baby was a little terrified of the noise and the whacking so Mykey had to take her to a different room and play with her there. After the smash and grab was over, we sang the 12 Days of Christmas and I read Luke 2 aloud. The kids swapped and bartered their wares, we tracked Santa, and then we shuttled ourselves home for a long winter's nap.

I can't wait to see Baby on Christmas morning.

Santa Claus is coming to town!

Fairgrounds in Lights

I wanted to keep the Christmas spirit flowing so we ventured out to see a light display at the fairgrounds. It was a drive-through display which seemed ideal - mainly because I could eat cookies as we drove.

Which is exactly what I did.

The entire display was synchronized to music and it ended up being fantastic! Everyone was warm and comfy, and the fudge-covered peanut butter cookies from Aldi did not disappoint.

When we arrived home, the stairs leading down to the condo were a bit slippery.  I was wearing my Birkenstocks, which are completely appropriate winter attire. I took a few steps down the stairs and turned back to warn my compadres that it was slick and they should be careful. As I faced forward to resume my descent, I slipped and fell. I hit my backside and slid all the way down, hitting each stair on the way - there were 12 wooden steps that I bounced down. It was as if they were spring-loaded, each step launching me neatly to the next one down. I thought I might fall off the edge of the landing and roll to the bottom of the steep hill.

After my thrill ride was over, I laid at the bottom of the steps for a moment, wondering if I was dead or broken in all my bones. 

I'm too old for this kind of nonsense.

It hurt. It hurt real, real bad.

And I lost the rest of our cookies. That was the saddest part.

I was sore and bruised in the days that followed.

Yes, that is my bum. Get over it.

Did I mention that I'm too old for this nonsense.

Merry ding-dang Christmas!

Dollywood in Lights

At the offset of Christmas break, we decided it would be a fantastic idea to create memories by going to gawk at the millions of lights illuminating Dollywood.  We thought Baby would be enraptured by the glitz. We thought Sissy would love pushing Baby around in the stroller as the gawking commenced. 

Wrong.

On all accounts we were wrong, wrong, wrong.

First, the crowds were swarming. Like, there's-free-money-falling-from-the-sky swarming. We had to park in the great beyond called the waterpark section. And then we had to circle the lot for 10 minutes to even procure a spot once we were out there. Then we began the long schlep to the tram. Then we waited in a long line for the tram. But our spirits were still merry and bright.

And then Mykey's app crashed and he couldn't find our tickets. We had to mill around while he stood in a long line to get help with our tickets. While we were waiting, Sissy found a stool to rest her bum on. It was short-lived when she was shooed away by an employee. Thanks for nothin' man.

Oh, and did I mention it was cold out? Good thing I was wearing my heated birthday vest!

Our spirits were dimming a little and Baby wasn't enraptured at all by the lights. Baby also didn't want to sit in her stroller and did a lot of this:

Sissy was getting anxious with the crowds and the crying baby and did a lot of grinching.

Mykey and I decided to have a good time despite the circumstances, and after bribing her with a giant tub of cotton candy, Sissy decided to have a good time as well.

We did a quick loop around the park and bolted to make the long journey back to the tram.

We had another long wait in line while Baby cried and screamed.

But we caught the fireworks in the parking lot!

Whew. Not the Christmas delightfulness I was hoping for.

The next morning we stopped at Buc-ee's for a burrito. It heals wounds. Most of 'em anyway.

And then the girls promptly crashed.

I hope this isn't a sign of how the entirety of our Christmas break is going to be.

Merry ding-dang Christmas! 

A Spelling Tale

Once upon a time, my daughter made it into the finals of her middle school spelling bee. There were 18 finalists out of a student body of over 800. I was impressed that she was in the finals, but certainly not surprised.

My daughter was devoted and studious in the weeks leading up to the event. I dictated words to her every single night. There were lots and lots and lots of words to learn. Some of the words were very tricky, like lieutenant and chlorofluorocarbon. It was tedious and time-consuming. But my daughter cracked on and fit in spelling words between all of her extracurriculars.

She was tired.

Finally, the big day arrived. We started the morning with a nourishing mound of bacon for breakfast. 

Just before lunchtime, I drove myself to the school to watch my daughter compete. 

I was nervous. I was sweaty. I had a swirly-whirly stomach. I think my daughter did also.

Round after round I watched her compete. Round after round these kids just kept correctly spelling words. Round after round I sweated through my shirt and jacket. Soon there were only 10 kids left. Then 6. Then 5. Then 3.

I felt like I might pee in my pants. 

And then there were 2. My daughter was one of them! They went a few more rounds until finally...the other kid misspelled a word. My daughter walked trepidatiously to the microphone. The final word was dictated. If she spelled it correctly, she would win the spelling bee!

I sat on the edge of my chair. I nearly vomited as I waited for the winning word to be called. At last, the word echoed from the loudspeakers: equality.

In this moment, I knew that my daughter was going to win the spelling bee.

And win she did!

A week later, she and the runner-up were recognized at the school pep assembly and were awarded trophies. The principal announced my daughter's name as, "Ava Maze." He definitely wouldn't win a spelling bee.

Now my daughter will move on to the district spelling bee in January. And we will all live happily ever after.

The End.