I usually go to Costco on Mondays as part of my routine. They don’t open until 10 and I can’t workout at the Y until 9, so once in a while I’ll head to Costco directly after working out. It’s completely out of convenience. I’m too lazy to bother with showering at the Y because it requires packing extra clothes and toiletries and a towel. Plus, I don’t appreciate public nudity and I fear locker-room fungi.
This neurotic behavior means I sometimes shop at Costco in my sweaty workout clothes. I know, it’s gross. Occasionally I’ll think to at least bring a clean shirt to change in to, but that’s rare. Today I went to Costco in my sweaty workout clothes. It was especially crowded and the checkout lines snaked for miles. As I stood there waiting and waiting and waiting, surrounded by millions and millions and millions of people, I started to become self-conscious about my attire and emanating stench. I hate it when I’m crammed into a space with a lot of people and somebody reeks. I have little patience for body odor.
And yet, there I was; the body odor distributer. The extra deodorant I had applied was long gone and I kept looking around to make sure no one was suffocating from lack of clean air. I tried to keep very still and not disturb the air around me but Eva kept taking off her shoes and tossing them. Then she tried to stand up in the cart and I had to wrestle with her for a moment. The poor guy behind me had black hair and it instantly turned white from the toxic wind my movements were producing. I also singed the hair off his arms and legs. I felt embarrassed and wanted to rush home and shower.
Well – after I went to lunch with Michael, of course.
You might want to consider wearing a bulb of garlic around your neck on those days you go straight to the Costco from the Y. It will serve two purpose; 1) The smell will overpower the worst BO, and 2). You won't have to worry about the occasional vampire standing in line.
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