Eva dinks with my phone a lot. Sometimes she messes up my settings, sometimes she calls and texts people accidentally, always she returns it with a sticky and crusty screen.
Occasionally I’ll find a treasure from her. Like this:
That’s worth a crusty phone.
It snowed yesterday. To borrow from Eva’s vocabulary:
I don’t love the snow. I grew up in the snow and I honestly didn’t mind it until I became an adult and realized that snow sucks. I’ve frozen my tongue to a flag pole, I’ve built snowmen and had snowball fights, I’ve sledded and skated down the street in my church shoes. I’m done with snow.
But Eva is not. Eva was so excited to see snow that she pulled up the blinds and sat by the window to watch it fall. I desperately didn’t want to go outside but seeing my little baby gazing optimistically out the window yanked at my heart. So I paraded into Michael’s office and told him he needed to build a snowman with his daughter. He gave me some flimsy excuses about “being on the clock,” and “having to get his work done,” and “you’ll get out of my office if you know what’s good for you, woman.” So I paraded right back out of his office and I volunteered to take Eva outside to build a snowman. That’s how much I love my girl.
Once I was into the groove, it was sort of fun. (Minus my freezing cold hands. Minus that I couldn’t bend over very well because my snow pants are tight. Minus the pile of squishy dog poo I stepped in.)
But…we built a cute little fella
Then we had hot chocolate
And tie-dyed an apron
And made cinnamon rolls
Maybe a snow day ain’t so bad after all.
But only one snow day. No more.
We have an old label maker that Eva carries around and calls her computer. It hasn’t had any label tape in it for years so she just types words on the screen and then erases them. It’s been a great way to teach her how to spell.
Michael decided to be a nice guy and bought some replacement tape for it so Eva could actually print out the words she spells. I have had the distinct honor of using my sausage fingers to pick up millions of tiny labels from off the floor; it’s hard work for my Jimmy Deans. At least Michael didn’t show her that they are actually stickers. (I promise you that man wouldn’t have any appendages left if he had hipped our daughter to that little fact.) It took Eva approximately 4 days to use up an entire cassette of labels. That’s a lot of garbage for me to pick up.
Eva spelled a lot of things with random smatterings of letters, but she also can spell actual words on her own. Here are some things that Eva can spell without any help from her doofus parents.
And naturally,
I’m so proud.
I had a birthday last week. I consider my birthday to be the most wonderful day of the entire year. I also consider anyone who doesn’t agree with me to be a jerk.
I’m happy to report that it was indeed the most wonderful day of the year. Michael took the day off from work and we were able to spend time together playing and celebrating my wonderfulness. My friend took Eva for a few hours so Myke and I could go to lunch at an adult restaurant with other adults, then we picked up Eva and went to the movies. We watched Trolls and ate a gigantic tub of popcorn and drank a Coke Zero big enough to make an elephant look dwarfish. We then sealed off the day with cake and presents.
Michael got me an electric knife sharpener and a cake stand. How did he know that’s exactly what I wanted? (It might have been the bullet-pointed birthday list I emailed him but it’s hard to say exactly.) He also wrote me a sincere note extoling my good qualities and overlooking my poor ones. It’s nice to have that guy around.
I initially felt weird about turning 37 but after a day of warm wishes from my family and friends, I felt grateful and blessed instead. And I got to eat German Chocolate cake with impunity.
37 ain’t so bad.
Eva loves to burrow into her warm, cozy blankets and snuggle up to her…
kitchen tongs?
They’re the best to cuddle with. As long as you don’t mind sharp edges. Or being pinched. Or the coldness of metal pressed against your face.
Cuddly, cuddly.
If you were a kid and your grandparents gave you 50 bucks for your birthday, what would you choose to spend it on?
Well, first you’d choose dress shoes because your mom is a buzzkill. But then…then you’d go wild at Target and choose lots of other really neat stuff.
Like a big T-Rex and Triceratops.
Or Minnie Mouse.
And the classic motorized fishing game. (This game is deceptively difficult. Or I’m just deceptively stupid.)
A light-up ball is also a fun choice. 50 bucks buys you a lot when you’re 4.
For days after her money was gone, Eva kept asking to go to back to Target to spend her money. She couldn’t wrap her little mind around the fact that her money was used up at Target, and in exchange, she had all these fun toys. After about a week of the same conversation about her money being gone, she announced that she wanted to give all her toys back to Target and get her money back so she could buy different toys.
Well, you can’t blame the girl for trying.
Michael and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary on Tuesday. Let me tell you the best way to celebrate your 14th wedding anniversary.
First, make arrangements with a babysitter to watch your child on the Saturday before your anniversary so you can have a nice, romantic dinner out. Then, 2 hours before your babysitter is supposed to arrive, have your child develop a spontaneous case of explosive diarrhea. Cancel with your babysitter and spend the evening with the aftermath of a diarrhea bomb disguised as your child.
Have your husband get takeout from your favorite Thai restaurant. Enjoy your meal in between announcements from Miss Poopy-Pants that, “Uh-oh. I pooped again.”
On the actual day of your anniversary, go to breakfast with your spouse. Then, have your spouse spend the entire breakfast corresponding with work on his cell phone while you eat pancakes in silence.
Be sure to eavesdrop on the conversations happening all around you and judge the people involved for their ridiculous conversations.
That evening, plan a delicious meal of homemade pot stickers and Marion berry cobbler. Then, make sure you disregard the recipe’s instruction to use a non-stick skillet and use a regular one instead. Spend 10 minutes trying to scrape the pot stickers out of the regular skillet and herniate a disc in your back in the process.
Eat the mangled, yet delicious meal and be sure to have a second helping of cobbler because restraint really is an absurd notion.
Finally, sit on the couch and dink around on your cell phone while an episode of Hawaii Five-O blares in the background and your husband obsessively follows the election results.
But…just when you’re feeling sad that you’re old and comfortable in your relationship, look on the mirror and see the sweet note that your husband wrote for your anniversary.
Come to the conclusion that being old and comfortable isn’t the worst thing that could happen to you; having a 4-year-old with diarrhea is much worse.
And with that, you can go to bed happy.
That, my friends, is how you celebrate 14 years of marriage.
Happy old and comfortable anniversary, Mykey!
Eva ignored my pleas to stay a little baby and turned 4 last week. 4! I will never stop marveling at how quickly she is growing. I’ll be 85 still in awe when my baby turns 53. It’s the way of motherhood I guess.
I hope Eva enjoyed her birthday because I thought it was a fine day. We spent the week prior to the big day at my sissy’s house in Coeur d’Alene, where I took exactly 1 picture. This one:
Eva and Britta had matching outfits at church. It was not planned but divine nonetheless. I apologize for my defect of not taking pictures away from home; it’s a nuisance. Despite my photo-oversight, I sincerely had a wonderful time with my sister, as always. My parents were also at my sissy’s house and then caravanned with me back home to spend a few days. We had a fine time exploring around. It was especially fine that they were here for Eva’s birthday.
The morning of her birthday, I went in to wake her up for school and shouted, “Happy Birthday, Eva!” She gave me a glowing smile and then I said, “You’re 4! I can’t believe it!” She didn’t like this statement. She insisted that she wasn’t 4 yet. Not until she blew out her candles. If someone asked if she was 4, her response remained, “Not until I blow out my candles.” She officially recognized turning 4-years-old at 7:00 that evening,.
It was a school day and they were trick-or-treating at school so she was able to wear her costume all day on her birthday. I thought it was the perfect way to spend the day. She continued to wear her kitty costume until bedtime. While she was at school my mom and I attempted to make her a rainbow cake. That’s what Eva has been counting on for months. We had a few stumbles along the way – mostly that I stink at frosting – but we salvaged a nice little cake in the end. When I excitedly showed Eva the finished cake, she said, “Where’s the butterfly?” Dang. We forgot that she wanted a butterfly. Thankfully my mama can do anything and quickly fashioned a little creature out of tootsie rolls. Success!
We spent the day at the coast where it was cold and rainy, but we ate salt water taffy and enjoyed ourselves anyway; even if we did miss the lighthouse tour.
We had Eva’s party in the evening and it was a superb ending to my baby’s birthday.
Zootopia
A kitty towel
Paw Patrol cars
Awesome magnets from Aunt Cam.
Eva also received a teddy bear and book from Grandma Lisa and cash from my parents. I’ll tell you later what a 4-year-old spends money on when given free range at Target.
Happy birthday to my sweet Eva!
Eva has been coming into our bedroom in the middle of the night, every night for months now; sometimes more than once per night. Though I am mostly even-tempered during the day, I am never even-tempered in the middle of the night. And I mean never. Having to scrape my sorry butt off my comfy mattress in the tranquility of night while the moon glows soothingly through my window is akin to having my arm crushed beneath a steamroller. I’m not interested in participating in either activity.
The worst part is that Michael never wakes up when Eva comes bounding in and tries to burrow in between us. And I mean never. I’m tired. I’m grouchy. I have lost all recollection of what REM sleep is like. I’ve tried talking to Eva about the importance of staying in her room at night. I’ve tried being firm when she appears in the darkness. I’ve tried acting like it doesn't bother me to return the cub to her own den fourteen times a night. I’ve tried pretending to be asleep like Michael does. Nada.
No more, my friends. I reached my limit. I finally had the genius idea to employ the oldest and most effective parenting approach ever invented: bribery.
I told Eva that if she could stay in her room all night I would give her ice cream with sprinkles.
Then we went to bed and waited.
Did it work?
Of course it did. She’s my offspring. We’ll do anything for ice cream. And yes, she’s eating that sprinkle ice cream for breakfast. Certainly my tactics are infallible.
Another homerun for me. Yup, I just continue to ace this parenting stuff.
Eva started preschool today. Even though it’s her second year and even though I knew exactly what to expect, I was melancholy about it last night. Eva was in bed and I was settling in to watch TV when I glanced at her toy box and felt the melancholy angel fly by. Starting preschool for the second time ticks off another year that has gone by much too quickly. I was reminded of how brief child-rearing is and how my little baby is one stride closer to full-day Kindergarten. I nearly couldn’t breathe and told Michael how sad I felt. He didn’t share my sadness. Then I became angry at him and completely overreacted. It was a delightful distraction.
Eva was so excited to go back to school. She ran up the walkway and didn’t look back. I barely had a moment to give her a kiss and say my goodbyes. I felt a little gloomy about that. She’s starting to make her move to needing me less and I zealously object. I guess I’d rather have her excited and independent than clingy and scared, but deep in my heart it hurt my feelings. What is a Mother to do?
I’ll tell you what I did. I went home and ate two bowls of Golden Grahams in silence.
It blunted the sharpness of my turmoil.
She enthusiastically told me all about her day when I picked her up and my sadness dissolved. If she has to be away from me two mornings a week, at least she’s happy doing it.
But still.
Now that Eva is quite the conversationalist, she is vigorously embodying the old adage, “Kids say the darndest things.” She elicits chuckles from me daily and I am enjoying my front row seat to her one-girl show.
Here are some of my recent favorites, courtesy of Eva:
We were going for a walk and I asked her to get in the stroller. She instantly replied, “Please be seated. The ride is about to begin.”
Disneyland really made an impression on her.
She was playing a puzzle game on my phone and when she completed the puzzle correctly it said, “Wonderful job!” and stars floated across the screen. She responded, “Thanks, you idiot.”
We then had a discussion about the use of the word idiot.
Eva has a finely-tuned radar that detects whenever Michael is working late and not sleeping in our bed. She will come take his spot in the middle of the night as if it’s the natural response to his absence; and she doesn’t do it quietly. She came bounding in the other night, crawled into bed and started rattling off her list of demands. She asked me to wrap her up in her blanket, wrap her giraffe up in his blanket, and straighten out the pillow. When I was done with my chores, she said, “Now, go to sleep.”
Gee. I think that’s what I was doing before you arrived.
We were sharing a stall in a public restroom and I was waiting for Eva to finish her business so I could do mine. She was whizzing right along and then stopped so I asked if she was done. She started whizzing right along again and then stopped. I asked again if she was done and she started whizzing right along again and said, “Nope, I’m just doing my peeing tricks.”
And fine tricks they are.
I sure love my little ham.
We spent our final day of vacation at Knott’s Berry Farm. I have never been before and I was excited to check it out. After 3 days in Disneyland, the small crowds at Knott’s Berry was soothing. It was outstanding that we didn’t have to wait in long lines anymore! The highlight of the day was definitely when Michael was able to devour some Dippin’ Dots. It was one of the main objectives of our trip, after all.
It was still hot outside but the scarcity of crowds made for a really great conclusion to our trip. There was a hefty portion of the park that we couldn't do since Eva is too small, but there was an entire section called Camp Snoopy that was filled with kid rides. We spent most of the day there and Eva loved it. By Knott’s day, my stomach couldn't handle many of the rides. I was nauseated and had a piercing headache most of the day. Michael had to be the champion and ride everything with Eva while I sat in the shade and tried not to pass out. I suddenly understood why my grandma never rode on anything at Disneyland except It’s a Small World. I’m living in that reality now.
After a day of fun we were off to the airport for a late flight. Eva was wearing a diaper so we could just get home and go straight to bed. Near the end of the flight she started wiggling in her seat and I could tell she really needed to go to the bathroom. The fasten seat belt sign was on so we couldn’t leave our seats. I told Eva she would just need to pee in her diaper. She agreed and zoned out with a Ruprecht look on her face while she relieved herself. Then she went back to her game. I laughed silently.
We didn’t arrive home until nearly 2 AM and dropped into our beds in exhaustion.
I’m very glad that we took the time to have a real vacation together. It was such a wonderful trip for us and I know we will look back fondly at our memories.
Let’s do it again sometime!
In a move that was completely out of character for me, I agreed to skedaddle to Disneyland when Michael suggested a spontaneous trip. I guess technically it wasn’t spontaneous if you consider we made reservations and set our trip date a month ahead. But it felt spontaneous to me. It was a quick decision after our original vacation plans didn’t work out. It also felt spontaneous because he suggested it and the next day I agreed. I never agree to anything in a day. Expect buying and eating more ice cream.
Eva was overwhelmed with excitement when we told her where we were headed. She asked everyday if today was the day we were going to Disneyland. After multiple days of her prodding, I finally had the brilliant idea to make a paper chain so she could visualize how many days were left before our trip. It worked perfectly.
Everyday we took a loop off and everyday we talked about Disneyland. We watched videos of all the fun things to do and see, and Eva had her entire trip planned out before we left. She would recite her list, “I’m going to ride the colorful sea horse on the carousel, and the Ferris wheel, and Alice in Wonderland, and see fireworks, and ride a rollercoaster. It will go fast and swoosh around.”
Sounds like a good trip.
We had a memorable and fun time together. It was wicked hot, the crowds were nearly unbearable, and Michael developed multiple blisters and limped around like Igor; but we loved it. It was expensive, exhausting, electrifying, excruciating, and enjoyable. Definitely the best semi-spontaneous trip we’ve taken. There were a few miserable parts: Like getting up at 2:30 in the morning to catch our flight. Or when Eva pulled the sunshade from the stroller over her face and told me to stop talking to her. Or when I had terrible motion sickness from every ride. Or when we sweat enough to fill a moderately-sized lake. But it was fun to watch Eva’s joy. As we were walking up to the castle the first day she shouted, “Look, Mama! It’s Disneyland! It’s the happiest place on earth!” That statement made all the miserable parts worth it.
Eva wore her Snow White dress the entire time we were there and was so excited for everything that was happening. She met princesses, talked to the other little girls like they were old friends, smiled and laughed, watched parades and a water show, and rode almost every ride – including the scary ones. (Sidebar: Disneyland sets height requirements for their rides. Michael and I naively thought that if Disneyland says it’s ok for our 3-year-old to go on Space Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean, and the Matterhorn, then surely it must be so. We didn’t consider that she’s taller than most 4-year-olds and probably shouldn't go on the scary rides. Eva was brave and went along with us but admitted the next day that the rides were scary. She made sure that we weren’t going to do them again. In fact, she’s still talking about how scary those rides were. Sorry, Eva.)
All said and done, Disneyland truly is magical for kids.
We took a lot of pictures so here goes:
Next up…our adventures at Knott’s Berry Farm!
