Eva started preschool today. Even though it’s her second year and even though I knew exactly what to expect, I was melancholy about it last night. Eva was in bed and I was settling in to watch TV when I glanced at her toy box and felt the melancholy angel fly by. Starting preschool for the second time ticks off another year that has gone by much too quickly. I was reminded of how brief child-rearing is and how my little baby is one stride closer to full-day Kindergarten. I nearly couldn’t breathe and told Michael how sad I felt. He didn’t share my sadness. Then I became angry at him and completely overreacted. It was a delightful distraction.
Eva was so excited to go back to school. She ran up the walkway and didn’t look back. I barely had a moment to give her a kiss and say my goodbyes. I felt a little gloomy about that. She’s starting to make her move to needing me less and I zealously object. I guess I’d rather have her excited and independent than clingy and scared, but deep in my heart it hurt my feelings. What is a Mother to do?
I’ll tell you what I did. I went home and ate two bowls of Golden Grahams in silence.
It blunted the sharpness of my turmoil.
She enthusiastically told me all about her day when I picked her up and my sadness dissolved. If she has to be away from me two mornings a week, at least she’s happy doing it.
But still.
I wish I could say it gets better. I saw a little girl going into the library the other night wearing a swimsuit and rain boots. She was completely dry, of course. It must just be her favorite outfit. I missed my little children so deeply.
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