Parenting Aficionado

Eva has been coming into our bedroom in the middle of the night, every night for months now; sometimes more than once per night.  Though I am mostly even-tempered during the day, I am never even-tempered in the middle of the night. And I mean never.   Having to scrape my sorry butt off my comfy mattress in the tranquility of night while the moon glows soothingly through my window is akin to having my arm crushed beneath a steamroller.  I’m not interested in participating in either activity.

The worst part is that Michael never wakes up when Eva comes bounding in and tries to burrow in between us.  And I mean never.  I’m tired.  I’m grouchy.  I have lost all recollection of what REM sleep is like.  I’ve tried talking to Eva about the importance of staying in her room at night.  I’ve tried being firm when she appears in the darkness.  I’ve tried acting like it doesn't bother me to return the cub to her own den fourteen times a night.  I’ve tried pretending to be asleep like Michael does.  Nada.

No more, my friends.  I reached my limit.  I finally had the genius idea to employ the oldest and most effective parenting approach ever invented: bribery.

I told Eva that if she could stay in her room all night I would give her ice cream with sprinkles. 

Then we went to bed and waited.

Did it work?

 

Of course it did.  She’s my offspring.  We’ll do anything for ice cream.  And yes, she’s eating that sprinkle ice cream for breakfast.  Certainly my tactics are infallible.

Another homerun for me.  Yup, I just continue to ace this parenting stuff.   

Back to School

Eva started preschool today.  Even though it’s her second year and even though I knew exactly what to expect, I was melancholy about it last night.  Eva was in bed and I was settling in to watch TV when I glanced at her toy box and felt the melancholy angel fly by.  Starting preschool for the second time ticks off another year that has gone by much too quickly.  I was reminded of how brief child-rearing is and how my little baby is one stride closer to full-day Kindergarten.  I nearly couldn’t breathe and told Michael how sad I felt.  He didn’t share my sadness.  Then I became angry at him and completely overreacted.  It was a delightful distraction.

Eva was so excited to go back to school.  She ran up the walkway and didn’t look back.  I barely had a moment to give her a kiss and say my goodbyes.  I felt a little gloomy about that.  She’s starting to make her move to needing me less and I zealously object.  I guess I’d rather have her excited and independent than clingy and scared, but deep in my heart it hurt my feelings. What is a Mother to do?

I’ll tell you what I did.  I went home and ate two bowls of Golden Grahams in silence. 

It blunted the sharpness of my turmoil.

She enthusiastically told me all about her day when I picked her up and my sadness dissolved.  If she has to be away from me two mornings a week, at least she’s happy doing it.

But still. 

Stand-up Routine

Now that Eva is quite the conversationalist, she is vigorously embodying the old adage, “Kids say the darndest things.”  She elicits chuckles from me daily and I am enjoying my front row seat to her one-girl show.

Here are some of my recent favorites, courtesy of Eva:

We were going for a walk and I asked her to get in the stroller.  She instantly replied, “Please be seated.  The ride is about to begin.” 

Disneyland really made an impression on her.

She was playing a puzzle game on my phone and when she completed the puzzle correctly it said, “Wonderful job!” and stars floated across the screen.  She responded, “Thanks, you idiot.” 

We then had a discussion about the use of the word idiot.

Eva has a finely-tuned radar that detects whenever Michael is working late and not sleeping in our bed.  She will come take his spot in the middle of the night as if it’s the natural response to his absence; and she doesn’t do it quietly.  She came bounding in the other night, crawled into bed and started rattling off her list of demands.  She asked me to wrap her up in her blanket, wrap her giraffe up in his blanket, and straighten out the pillow.  When I was done with my chores, she said, “Now, go to sleep.”

Gee.  I think that’s what I was doing before you arrived.

We were sharing a stall in a public restroom and I was waiting for Eva to finish her business so I could do mine.  She was whizzing right along and then stopped so I asked if she was done.  She started whizzing right along again and then stopped.  I asked again if she was done and she started whizzing right along again and said, “Nope, I’m just doing my peeing tricks.”

And fine tricks they are.

I sure love my little ham.

Knott’s Berry

We spent our final day of vacation at Knott’s Berry Farm.  I have never been before and I was excited to check it out. After 3 days in Disneyland, the small crowds at Knott’s Berry was soothing.  It was outstanding that we didn’t have to wait in long lines anymore!  The highlight of the day was definitely when Michael was able to devour some Dippin’ Dots.  It was one of the main objectives of our trip, after all.

It was still hot outside but the scarcity of crowds made for a really great conclusion to our trip.  There was a hefty portion of the park that we couldn't do since Eva is too small, but there was an entire section called Camp Snoopy that was filled with kid rides.  We spent most of the day there and Eva loved it.  By Knott’s day, my stomach couldn't handle many of the rides.  I was nauseated and had a piercing headache most of the day.  Michael had to be the champion and ride everything with Eva while I sat in the shade and tried not to pass out.  I suddenly understood why my grandma never rode on anything at Disneyland except It’s a Small World.  I’m living in that reality now.  

After a day of fun we were off to the airport for a late flight.  Eva was wearing a diaper so we could just get home and go straight to bed.  Near the end of the flight she started wiggling in her seat and I could tell she really needed to go to the bathroom.  The fasten seat belt sign was on so we couldn’t leave our seats.  I told Eva she would just need to pee in her diaper.  She agreed and zoned out with a Ruprecht look on her face while she relieved herself.  Then she went back to her game.  I laughed silently. 

We didn’t arrive home until nearly 2 AM and dropped into our beds in exhaustion.

I’m very glad that we took the time to have a real vacation together.  It was such a wonderful trip for us and I know we will look back fondly at our memories.

Let’s do it again sometime!