Spring Break, The End

It’s sad how quickly Thursday arrived.  While I was preoccupied with eating root beer floats and popcorn every night, the days of the week sneakily ticked themselves off the calendar.  I can be distracted from anything with food.  Do I smell a ham steak?  Just a sec…

By Thursday we decided that it would be alright to take it easy for a day and do nothing exciting.  The kids played Super Mario Bros, Tetris, and Dr. Mario on our old school Super Nintendo while I made a chocolate love cake for Michael.  My brother and sister-in-law sent me some heart shaped cake pans a couple of years ago for Valentine’s Day.  Eva cleverly calls them love cakes. It seemed like a love cake kind of day.  

Here’s the best part of baking:

I overbaked the cakes because I was busy whipping butts at Dr. Mario but the supremely scrumptious peanut butter frosting made up for my foul.  The frosting was so delicious, it’s possible that we ate the leftovers with pretzels and on crepes.  Possibly.

After the love cakes we trekked to the outlet stores for shoes.  My nieces were successful in that errand and I picked up a couple of new workout clothes.  Eva climbed around in the tree house toy and then we were on our way.  It had been such a tiresome day, what with all the video game playing and cake baking that we drove through Burger King for nourishment.   The nourishment came in the form of ice cream cones and french fries.  Yummy.  We rounded out the evening with popcorn and a movie.

Friday found us excited to hit the waterpark.  I had never been to this particular park but had been told by numerous people that it would be fun.  Michael was going to join us but was unfortunately held up at work and wouldn’t be able to make it.  I was sorely disappointed but forged on.  I’m glad I did because it turned out to be a good time indeed.  I went down a couple of water slides and was instantly dizzy so I stuck with Eva for most of the day in the kiddie area.  I found the small kiddie slides to be optimal for an old geezer like myself.  The only downside was that Eva was particularly fond of the yellow slide and my butt was particularly fond of getting stuck on the yellow slide.  The water pressure wasn’t sufficient for such a plump rider but it didn’t stop me from going down the slide 804 times. On my 805th meander down, I heard someone calling my name.  Thinking I was about to be reprimanded for exceeding the weight limit of the kiddie slide, I looked up to find it was Michael calling my name.  He had found a way to get out of work.  Yay!

It really was the perfect day after that.  We had a picnic lunch on the lawn in the sun and then spent the rest of the day climbing stairs and getting dizzy. 

On Saturday we were good and religious and spent the day watching General Conference.  The Elders came over to join us and what a lovely day it was.  Cam made insane sweet pork nachos and then rib roast for dinner.  (I really shouldn’t be surprised that I got stuck on the yellow water slide.)

Jackson was the hero of the day when he fetched the sling shot chicken toy that had been stuck in the window all week.  It was amusing to watch him with the 100 foot pole trying to nudge the chicken from the shelf. 

I kept waiting for him to pull an Ernest and knock someone into the lake with the massive stick but it didn’t happen.  (Only because I don’t have a lake.)

And just like that, Spring Break was over.  I said my good-byes before I went to bed because I can’t bear to watch my loved ones drive away from my house.  I woke up Sunday morning to a painfully quiet house and wished I could rewind the week.  It was sincerely one of the most pleasant visits I’ve ever enjoyed.  Ever.

Eva loved having her cousins around to play with.  Britta patiently played with her on the hammock and got her dressed most days.  Spencer laid out Lincoln Log towns for her.  Kate and Jackson let her babble at them and lovingly responded to her questions.  Everyone treated her like a princess and it warmed my heart to see the natural bond of family. 

I was sad to go the Y alone on Monday to work out.  I was sad that no one was cracking jokes at breakfast.  I was sad that the acrid smell of teenagers was absent from Eva’s bedroom.  I was sad to wash the towels and put away the Super Nintendo. 

But I was happy as well.  Happy to have a sister who is my best friend; happy to have nieces and nephews that I’ve bossed from their infancy; happy for a brother-in-law who makes me laugh and only occasionally reminds me that I mooned him on the front porch of my parent’s house when I was a teenager; happy to share a week of my life with a remarkable group of people.

Happy Spring Break!

Spring Break, Part 2

One of the best parts of Spring Break was staying up late and sleeping in late.  I only set my alarm clock a couple of times during the week and it was magnificent.  Even better was that I had no guilt at all about it.  Zero.

So here’s the rundown of the first part of our week.

On Monday we headed to Get Air trampoline park where we jumped for 2 hours!  It was a long time and I was feeling pretty tired by the end.  Johnny was particularly violent during our dodge ball sessions and managed to pelt multiple people in the face.  Including me, you jerk.  The man nearly dislocated his wife’s jaw with a foam ball.  How does that happen?  He maintains that all of his direct hits were accidental and he wasn’t aiming for heads and faces.  He’s a pretty terrible shot if he was aiming for anything below the neck.  I exclusively went for groin shots and exclusively never hit any targets.  Except for one kid who kept following me around like he was starving and I had a pork chop tied to my back.  I don’t know who he was but I did manage to hit him a few times. Gently, of course.  I’m not a monster.  Or a good shot.

After we were sufficiently pooped, we went for a walk across the river to ride the carousel.  Since Michael was at work, I had to be Eva’s accompaniment on the spinning circle of death.  I focused myself and only became slightly dizzy.  It was a triumph for me.

The next day was dedicated to hiking at Silver Falls.  The weather was perfect and it was nice to feel the sun on my anemic skin.  Eva was a trooper except for the moments when she wasn’t.  We had to stop at every bench so Eva could rest and eat her trail mix.  It would have been faster to carry her, but I refused because I’m terribly rude.  Kate was kind enough to plop Eva up on her shoulders for the last mile of the trail.  What a good cousin.

I love Jackson’s face in this picture.   He looks like someone just hit him in the groin with a dodge ball.

Kate and Britta split off with me to the shorter loop while the others went ahead to the loop that was twice as long.  With all of our trail mix stops, we only made it to the picnic area 15 minutes ahead of Cam’s group.  We were definitely slow and steady on that one.

Our picnic spot became exceptionally rousing when the kids found Easter eggs hidden in trees that hadn’t been discovered on Easter.  This seems like a marvelous discovery except that they were actual hard-boiled eggs.  Hard-boiled eggs that had been roasting in the sun for three days.  Johnny was not deterred by the disgustingness of this and began his own search party for more eggs.  He successfully unearthed a surplus of eggs and intended to include the tasty treats in our picnic lunch.  Take a stab at how his wife reacted to this proposal.  The words “diarrhea” and “gas” and “intestinal distress” danced around the conversation many times.  (He only ate one egg.  I think.  I wasn’t keeping track.)

Diarrhea or not, the next day was zoo day!  The zoo was full to capacity but it was still a fun day.  The sun was blazing hot and I scarfed a bag of chips and cinnamon-bun-flavored Oreos so it was a good day for me.  I failed to take any pictures because it was Wednesday already and my laziness had revved up.  Sorry.  (But really I’m not.)

 

We enjoyed the sunny day at the zoo, especially the pooping elephants.  Eva exclaimed, “What a mess!”  She was right.  But the real fun came when we were stuck in traffic for an hour on the interstate.  Some dopes had an accident and the rest of us enjoyed the aftershock.  I love sitting motionless on the freeway when I’m tired and thirsty.  It ranks right up there with my love for asparagus ice cream.

We rounded out the evening with the older kids taking a trip to the temple while Spencer, Eva, and I went home to make dinner.  Then we stayed up late eating popcorn and watching Captain Phillips.  It’s a fine choice for a movie right before bedtime.  Nothing soothes me to sleep faster than Somali pirate movies.

I was sad that Wednesday had arrived so rapidly and I began to feel anxious that everyone would be leaving me soon.  We had a few more days of fun to look forward to so that helped to still my thoughts.  The most exciting day was awaiting us on Friday.

I’ll tell you all about it next time!

Spring Break, Part 1

Do you want to have the bestest Spring Break of your entire life?

Save up your money and go somewhere warm and exotic.

Do you want to have the second bestest Spring Break of your entire life?

Then come to my house!

My sissy and her brood did just that last week and it turned out to be a wonderfully wonderful week.  I was giddy with anticipation in the days leading up to their arrival and the giddiness lasted until the moment I sent them homeward again.  (Admittedly, by midweek some of the giddiness I felt might have actually been gas but the symptoms are nearly identical;  I can’t make a definite determination either way.)

I am overcome with serenity whenever family comes to my house.  It’s the only time in my life when I can hang out with people and not give one thought to how my hair looks, how big my butt is, how jack-assy my laugh sounds, how interesting my anecdotes are, or if I should be embarrassed that I’m wearing socks with sandals on an evening excursion to Ross Dress for Less.  It’s bliss.

We had a busy week packed with fun activities and it was perfect.  Their first day in town we drove to the coast.  It was the height of whale migration season and we had hoped to see one of the gargantuan creatures with our own two peepers. Michael found on the world-wide internet that there were whale-watching stations dotted along the coast, complete with volunteers and binoculars.  For free!  That was exactly the amount I was willing to pay for whale-watching so it seemed like a wise choice.  As always, the reality and the advertisement were not the same.

The magnificent whale-watching station was a tiny viewing area crammed full of people.  It was under construction so the walls were torn apart and the entire building smelled like mildew and soggy carpeting.  There were no binoculars, no volunteers enrobed in khaki vests, no whales to view.  It was a bust.  I feel like the price of admission at $0.00 was thievery.  We stood around for a bit looking at the ocean but it was windy and cold so we hiked back to our vehicles.

 

We headed up the road a bit and found a divine seafood place.  It seems you shouldn’t go to the coast without eating seafood.  Unless you’re allergic.  Or a weirdo who doesn’t enjoy fresh fish tacos. I didn’t take a picture of our food because we devoured it too quickly.  It was delicious and fried and divine.

Thanks to my dad and his Black Visa card, our next stop was the Oregon Coast Aquarium.  We had a nice time milling around looking at sea creatures and touching sea anemones.  Eva loved touching the anemones.  Just today she said to me, “Hey, Mama!  Renember when we went to the quarium and touched the sticky, slimy sea anemones.  Renember?”  I remember.  Touching the anemones was cool but the jelly fish were my favorite.  It is incredibly soothing to stand and watch the ethereal creatures float through the water. 

 

Perhaps the most prudent activity while at the coast on a cold day is to go swimming in the ocean.  That’s what Britta and Jackson thought.  I was wearing 2 jackets and was literally shivering on the shore.  There were a couple of locals on the beach who were watching us.  When they saw that a pair of insane teenagers were about to dive into the freezing Pacific they shouted out, “No!”  They clearly thought we were a pack of dunces.  And we were.

Despite the weather, it was a fun day on the coast and we were all sufficiently tuckered out by the time we arrived home. 

Thankfully the next day was Easter and we could refuel our bodies with an abundance of Cadbury Mini Eggs and jelly beans.

We indulged first thing in the morning:

And the rest of the day after that:

My dear friend, Michael drove down from Portland and we had a delicious Easter feast.  Cam and I even made the guy his favorite lemon meringue pie.  Talk about true friendship.  We finished the evening with dying eggs and flipping through old photos.  Nothing makes you feel ancient faster than looking at pictures from college.

I will lay out the disclaimer now that I didn’t keep up with the photo-snapping very well.  As the week went on, I took fewer and fewer pictures.  This was due entirely to my own laziness.  You can’t possibly expect me to keep up this pace all week.  I’m old and lazy!  Mostly lazy.

So that’s it for the first couple of days.

I hope you’ll return for the continuation of Spring Break 2016.

Funny Eva

As Eva continues to grasp the English language and can speak clearly and in complete sentences, she makes me laugh with the random things she says.  Here are some funny Eva moments lately:

• I was tickling her and she abruptly stopped me and angrily said, “No!  You can’t tickle me.  Only Daddy.  You’re too sloppy.” 

Huh.  I’ve never considered myself to be a sloppy kind of person but I appreciate the constructive criticism.  I will work to tighten up my tickling technique.

• We had to take separate cars to church a few weeks ago because I had to stay late for a meeting.  Eva rode in Michael’s car and they were following behind me.  Eva pointed out the windshield and said to Michael, “Look, there’s my Mama.  She’s in her car.  Her name is Bernie.”

I’ve had a lot of people mispronounce my name in a lot of ways but never Bernie.  I’m mildly offended since my sister had a dog named Bernie and he was dumber than a mop.  And he looked like one too.  And he peed everywhere except for outdoors.  Am I missing the resemblance here?

• We were at Cabela’s looking at the fish tank and they have a Cave bear skeleton on display.  It’s surrounded by a railing that is taller than Eva so she stood on the bottom of the railing to boost her up for a closer look.  She was happily hanging over the rail by her armpits, admiring the structure, when one of her feet slipped back onto the floor.  Eva looked at me with terrified eyes and said in a teary voice, “I almost fell into the bones, Mama.  I almost fell into the bones.” 

Poor Eva had her first near-death experience and I, her sensitive mother, giggled.  I shouldn’t have chuckled – it’s probably scary for a 3 year-old to freefall a few inches while a skeletal bear towers over on its hind legs.  She almost fell into the bones! 

• When I picked up Eva from Child Watch at the YMCA today I asked her my usual barrage of questions, ending with, “Were you a good girl?”  Eva responded, “Yes, indeed.”

I sure like my daughter.  Yes, indeed.

Selfie

Eva has become very adept at operating my mobile phone.  She used to just swipe around willy-nilly and mess with my settings, change my wallpaper, send cryptic texts to my contacts, and call psychic hotlines to see what Madame Ruby sees.  Now she uses my phone purposefully and methodically.

Part of her method and purpose is to take selfies. 

Selfies in the morning

Selfies in the afternoon

Shadow-Selfies in the moonlight

I guess it’s my own fault. I was giving her tutorials before she even had motor skills.

Next tutorial?  Passing gas and making a big deal out of it.

Wait. She already does that.

I’m really getting the hang of this parenting thing.

Soaked

I’ve made a new friend recently and she conned me into running with her on Saturdays.  I haven’t been running in over a year but she assured me that she’s just getting back into it as well and we wouldn’t be over-exerting ourselves.  I agreed and so far it’s been good. 

After she realized that I’m feeble-minded, she then conned me into running a 10k with her.  4 weeks after I started running again.  Not even 4 weeks, but 4 Saturdays of running.  AND I’ve been nursing an injury since our trip to the trampoline park.  (I was bouncing Michael and Eva while they sat on the trampoline and on one jump I felt my outer quad muscle rip into shreds.  It’s been bothering me ever since.) 

I’m not one of those people who can just pick up and run.  I’m not excellent at running and even when I’m extremely fit, I’m only marginally good at it.  In short, I didn’t feel ready to run 6.2 miles.  I was nervous, I was sick to my stomach about it, I was icing the crap out of my leg, and I wished I wasn’t loyal and could tell her to go suck an egg.  A rotten egg.

I asked Michael to give me a blessing.  He blessed me that I would find the reserves I needed to finish the race and that it would be a great accomplishment for me.  I was hoping he would say something about my leg being miraculously healed but he didn’t.  The only mention of my leg was when he said that I wouldn’t sustain further injury.  I knew then that the race was going to hurt.  But with the strength from the blessing, I was ready to do it.

The race was on the coast in Newport and the forecast predicted rain.  That was what we prepared for.  What we didn’t prepare for was the other gems of weather we experienced.

Rain.  Check.

Wind.  Check.

Hail.  Check.

Rain, wind, and hail all at the same time.  Check.

At one point the wind was whipping hail directly into our faces and I couldn’t lift my head for fear I would lose an eye or a tooth.  It was crazy.  We were soaked within the first 10 minutes of the race.  That weather lasted for nearly 4 miles and then it stopped and only misted for the remainder of the run. 

Here’s the cool part: I felt great!  My only goal was that I didn’t want to hold Genevieve back.  I told her from the very beginning that she could ditch me and run ahead at any point if I was being too slow.  I was never too slow.  In fact, there were some moments where I was running faster than she was and had to slow down for her.  I definitely had the reserves I needed.  And my leg?  It hurt but it wasn’t unbearable.  It wasn’t too tight, I wasn’t focused on the pain, and I never felt that I was going to fall down and die.  It was a successful race because of the Grace of God.

It truly was an answer to prayers and a strength to my knowledge that the Lord is always mindful of us; even in insignificant moments like a 10k.

 

When I came home I was met with flowers and balloons from my sweet husband and daughter.  I felt very loved.  It was a good day.

Crap.  Does this mean I’ve started running again?

The Seal is Broken

I’ve quit pretending I’m skilled in my employment as a parent.  Instead, I have decided to completely give in to unsavory parenting trends.

Just look at the distasteful activities we’ve been imbibing in recently:

Trips to Chuck E. Cheese’s – which actually isn’t so bad once you become accustomed to the body odor/kids/mildew stench rising from the carpets.  (I even let her eat lunch there.  Food.  Prepared by a mouse.  It’s the diarrhea rain dance.)

Candyland.  The board game, not my kitchen cupboards.  Eva bent all of the cards within the first 3 minutes of opening the box and I have yet to win a round.  Michael wins every time.  He’s also always the dealer.  Suspicious. 

Eyesight-destroying television viewing.  Is it a myth that sitting close to the TV ruins your eyes?  I sure hope it’s a myth.  I don’t want to have a blind child in 6 years after letting her sit with her nose physically touching the TV screen while she partied like a Preschooler to annoying music.

It’s a good thing no one is paying me for this parenting gig; they’d be getting swindled.