I’ve quit pretending I’m skilled in my employment as a parent. Instead, I have decided to completely give in to unsavory parenting trends.
Just look at the distasteful activities we’ve been imbibing in recently:
Trips to Chuck E. Cheese’s – which actually isn’t so bad once you become accustomed to the body odor/kids/mildew stench rising from the carpets. (I even let her eat lunch there. Food. Prepared by a mouse. It’s the diarrhea rain dance.)
Candyland. The board game, not my kitchen cupboards. Eva bent all of the cards within the first 3 minutes of opening the box and I have yet to win a round. Michael wins every time. He’s also always the dealer. Suspicious.
Eyesight-destroying television viewing. Is it a myth that sitting close to the TV ruins your eyes? I sure hope it’s a myth. I don’t want to have a blind child in 6 years after letting her sit with her nose physically touching the TV screen while she partied like a Preschooler to annoying music.
It’s a good thing no one is paying me for this parenting gig; they’d be getting swindled.
I see the band from Freddy's playland on her wrist. Your problem runs deep, my friend.
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