A very rude, mildly attractive, freakishly tall person told me that my posts have been boring lately and he’s thinking about not reading anymore and joining a cult instead. I’ve moved his name on my spreadsheet from the “Friends” column to the “Bastards” column. His Christmas card this year will include a recommendation list of cults to join. I’ve already started compiling it.
I recognize I haven’t posted in a while but boring? That’s harsh. That stings. That makes me sound like Ben Stein.
I’m sorry if nothing exciting has happened lately. I wasn’t accosted at the post office yesterday by a woman with facial hair and orange fingernails for putting Eva up on the counter while I searched the caverns of my purse for my credit card. I didn’t think about stabbing her in the eye with my pen. I’m sorry, but I didn’t curtly respond to her that I could handle it and Eva would run away if I set her down. I most certainly did not tell her to, “have a nice day” in a very patronizing tone. I’m sorry I never see anything abnormal when I’m out in public. I didn't walk into the Y behind a woman wearing a dress with the hairiest legs I’ve ever seen on a woman. I did not think for a moment that I was having a Big Foot sighting and attempt to inform the media. I’m sorry she was going swimming and I didn’t wonder how she was going to maneuver the water with that much drag. I guess I’m just on a down swing of excitement right now.
I suppose I’m offended/hurt/seeking counseling for the boring comment because I have exactly two talents; cooking and being witty. And being witty while I’m cooking. I can’t be witty and boring at the same time, so which is it?
I think I know the answer.
AJ is a bastard.
No comments:
Post a Comment