Before I had a child I knew everything about parenting. I watched heathen parents doing it all wrong and I judged them. I had a very specific list of things my child wouldn’t do. After all, I didn’t want to be a heathen parent.
Here are the things I vowed would not happen with my child.
My kid WILL NOT:
- Watch TV before the age of 2.
- Drink soda or juice.
- Be formula-fed.
- Bathe fewer than 5 times a week.
- Go out in public with a dirty face or shirt or uncombed hair.
- Eat in the car seat.
- Scream, cry, or throw a horrific fit at the grocery store.
- Ignore my commands.
- Have ten-billion stuffed animals.
- Throw food on the floor during dinner.
- Run in parking lots.
Man. I was an idiot.
At some point, being a mother becomes about survival. Who cares that the toddler in the back seat has food stuck in his hair and he's been wearing the same shirt for two days. He's alive. I've kept that suicidal maniac who runs in parking lots alive. Good job ME! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly why I love you!
ReplyDeleteIt gets even more fun when you have more children than you have arms...
ReplyDelete