Answers?

10 things I’d like to know:

1. Why the smelliest woman in the entire library chooses to sit next to me at story time. Every time.
2. Why this smelliest woman next to me must fidget every 30 seconds and repeatedly kick up her smelly dust into my nostrils.
3. Why any checkout line I choose to occupy at Costco immediately becomes the slowest moving line.
4. Why Eva always calls for me from the bathroom at the most inconvenient times. Like when I’m trying to eat ice cream.
5. Why eating ice cream makes me fat. I only load my bowl with half of the half-gallon container. That’s only a quarter of a gallon at a time. My arithmetic says this shouldn’t make me a chub.
6. Why I simultaneously have acne and crow’s feet.
7. Why every pedestrian I courteously wait for shuffles so slowly across the street that I miss the light. Can they not see I’m waiting to turn the corner?
8. Why Eva gets up early on weekends but never on school days.
9. Why my dog constantly smells like the inside of my belly button – putrid.
10. And why does my belly button stink? I shower nearly every day.

I wonder if Google knows.