Games We Play

Eva is at a fun age where she likes to play.  In the past, she has always generically asked, “You wanna play with me?” but now she has specific games in mind when she poses the question.  This is what we’ve been playing around our house lately.

Hide and Seek

You’d think this game would teach important deductive skills and develop Eva’s ability to recognize clues.  Well, it would if we adhered to the rules but we don’t.  We play by completely removing the challenge of being the seeker; and no one is allowed to seek except Eva.

Whenever I hide somewhere, our dumb dog follows me and stands right where I’m hiding, thus revealing my secret spot.  If I shoo him away, he takes this as an invitation to lie at my feet and lick me.  All Eva has to do is look for the unobstructed dog, who leads her right to the hider. 

Eva also counts rapidly even though I’ve begged her to count more slowly.  My time to hide is discounted from 10 actual seconds to more like 3.2 seconds.  Yesterday, I was quickly trying to squeeze my fat butt into the small space between her changing table and window seat.  I swiftly knelt into the gap and whacked my meaty thigh on the corner of the window seat.  As I tried not to screech out in pain, Aika snuggled up to me and again gave me away.  I was really annoyed that he had muffed up my exquisite hiding spot AGAIN, and that I was injured by my own miscalculation of the size of the space.  Here is the resulting bruise on my thigh.

I don’t know why I had to try to jam my girth into such a tiny sliver of space.  (Because I’m a twit.)

This game also requires minimal cleverness on Eva’s part since she ends up telling me where to hide.  She’ll look for me a couple of times and then say, “Can I find you on the stairs?  Can I find you on the bed?”  There’s no sport in that.  She tells me where to hide, dutifully counts to 10 in 3.2 seconds, then calls out, “Where’d Mama went?  Maaa-ma, where are you?”  Then she scurries over and finds me. 

It’s the same routine with Michael.  He, however, had the audacity to disregard her hiding request last night and was met with a piercing howl and a foot stomping. He hid behind the bedroom door instead of under the blanket. His indifference to protocol was appalling and unacceptable.  And Eva let him know it.

I’m renaming our little game to, I’ll-Tell-You-Where-To-Hide and Seek.

Gum Olympics

I have carried a pack of gum in my purse for at least the last 15 years.  I like to have something minty on hand for those times when I eat crap sandwiches.  Eva discovered my gum one day and it was an instant love affair for her.  Gum is not safe in our house anymore.  I tried tucking the pack away in an obscure zipper in my purse but she sniffed it out.  I tried hanging my purse up on a coat hook way above her reach but she built a tower to grab it.  I put the gum in a bear box high up in one of our trees but she paid a pigeon to fly her up to it.  I buried the gum in an empty can in the backyard but she promised Aika half the loot if he dug it up.  The girl is a bloodhound when it comes to the minty delight.  It reminds me of my niece, Kate. I bet there’s gum wrappers in your pocket at this very moment, Kate.  If not, I bet there’s a ball of wrappers in the trash can next to the washing machine. 

I chose the easy path, quit resisting, and bought more gum.  The floor of the car where Eva sits is littered with foil wrappers. I’m ignoring the growing, sparkly pile until it is big enough to jump in – like a pile of leaves.

I now carry gum in my purse, in our car, in the bag I take to church, in my coat pocket, and strapped to my leg in a gun holster.  I am, however, somewhat of a responsible parent and I limit her consumption to 3 or 4 sticks a day.  Maybe 5 or 6.  I lose track.

If it’s true what they say about gum taking 7 years to digest, Eva’s stomach should be completely obstructed by a giant wad of gum in approximately 2 days. 

Art Projects

My handsome, Italian brother-in-law was cleaning at the office and found miscellaneous markers and watercolors.  He gave them to me when we were home at Christmas for Eva to play with.  I took them, of course, because they were free and didn’t really give it much thought.  When we came home, I got out the watercolors for Eva one morning to kill some time.  She went berserk!

We now have a permanent painting station on the dining room table.  I have literally printed hundreds of coloring pages from the internet for her to paint on.  We are on watercolor set number 4 because she’s used up all the paint on the others.  She loves it and I feel like it’s good for her brain to paint so I count it as a win.  My dad sent her a box of paper and it is brilliant. 

Every morning she asks me to paint with her.  Every evening she asks Michael to paint with her.  Every afternoon she asks Aika to paint with her.  He says, “No, thank you, I don’t have opposable thumbs.  Besides, I’d rather just lay here and lick my crotch.”

She’ll sit there painting and say, “Mama, I’m working on my art project.”  Then she’ll reach over, grab the picture I’ve been meticulously working on and say, “I can help you.”  In one brushstroke, my picture is completely green. 

I do actually love watching her sit at the table and paint contently.  I also sincerely enjoy painting with her.  It’s quite relaxing and my pictures always turn out a pleasing shade of green.

Come play with us sometime!