Parenting Aficionado

Eva has been coming into our bedroom in the middle of the night, every night for months now; sometimes more than once per night.  Though I am mostly even-tempered during the day, I am never even-tempered in the middle of the night. And I mean never.   Having to scrape my sorry butt off my comfy mattress in the tranquility of night while the moon glows soothingly through my window is akin to having my arm crushed beneath a steamroller.  I’m not interested in participating in either activity.

The worst part is that Michael never wakes up when Eva comes bounding in and tries to burrow in between us.  And I mean never.  I’m tired.  I’m grouchy.  I have lost all recollection of what REM sleep is like.  I’ve tried talking to Eva about the importance of staying in her room at night.  I’ve tried being firm when she appears in the darkness.  I’ve tried acting like it doesn't bother me to return the cub to her own den fourteen times a night.  I’ve tried pretending to be asleep like Michael does.  Nada.

No more, my friends.  I reached my limit.  I finally had the genius idea to employ the oldest and most effective parenting approach ever invented: bribery.

I told Eva that if she could stay in her room all night I would give her ice cream with sprinkles. 

Then we went to bed and waited.

Did it work?

 

Of course it did.  She’s my offspring.  We’ll do anything for ice cream.  And yes, she’s eating that sprinkle ice cream for breakfast.  Certainly my tactics are infallible.

Another homerun for me.  Yup, I just continue to ace this parenting stuff.   

Back to School

Eva started preschool today.  Even though it’s her second year and even though I knew exactly what to expect, I was melancholy about it last night.  Eva was in bed and I was settling in to watch TV when I glanced at her toy box and felt the melancholy angel fly by.  Starting preschool for the second time ticks off another year that has gone by much too quickly.  I was reminded of how brief child-rearing is and how my little baby is one stride closer to full-day Kindergarten.  I nearly couldn’t breathe and told Michael how sad I felt.  He didn’t share my sadness.  Then I became angry at him and completely overreacted.  It was a delightful distraction.

Eva was so excited to go back to school.  She ran up the walkway and didn’t look back.  I barely had a moment to give her a kiss and say my goodbyes.  I felt a little gloomy about that.  She’s starting to make her move to needing me less and I zealously object.  I guess I’d rather have her excited and independent than clingy and scared, but deep in my heart it hurt my feelings. What is a Mother to do?

I’ll tell you what I did.  I went home and ate two bowls of Golden Grahams in silence. 

It blunted the sharpness of my turmoil.

She enthusiastically told me all about her day when I picked her up and my sadness dissolved.  If she has to be away from me two mornings a week, at least she’s happy doing it.

But still. 

Stand-up Routine

Now that Eva is quite the conversationalist, she is vigorously embodying the old adage, “Kids say the darndest things.”  She elicits chuckles from me daily and I am enjoying my front row seat to her one-girl show.

Here are some of my recent favorites, courtesy of Eva:

We were going for a walk and I asked her to get in the stroller.  She instantly replied, “Please be seated.  The ride is about to begin.” 

Disneyland really made an impression on her.

She was playing a puzzle game on my phone and when she completed the puzzle correctly it said, “Wonderful job!” and stars floated across the screen.  She responded, “Thanks, you idiot.” 

We then had a discussion about the use of the word idiot.

Eva has a finely-tuned radar that detects whenever Michael is working late and not sleeping in our bed.  She will come take his spot in the middle of the night as if it’s the natural response to his absence; and she doesn’t do it quietly.  She came bounding in the other night, crawled into bed and started rattling off her list of demands.  She asked me to wrap her up in her blanket, wrap her giraffe up in his blanket, and straighten out the pillow.  When I was done with my chores, she said, “Now, go to sleep.”

Gee.  I think that’s what I was doing before you arrived.

We were sharing a stall in a public restroom and I was waiting for Eva to finish her business so I could do mine.  She was whizzing right along and then stopped so I asked if she was done.  She started whizzing right along again and then stopped.  I asked again if she was done and she started whizzing right along again and said, “Nope, I’m just doing my peeing tricks.”

And fine tricks they are.

I sure love my little ham.

Knott’s Berry

We spent our final day of vacation at Knott’s Berry Farm.  I have never been before and I was excited to check it out. After 3 days in Disneyland, the small crowds at Knott’s Berry was soothing.  It was outstanding that we didn’t have to wait in long lines anymore!  The highlight of the day was definitely when Michael was able to devour some Dippin’ Dots.  It was one of the main objectives of our trip, after all.

It was still hot outside but the scarcity of crowds made for a really great conclusion to our trip.  There was a hefty portion of the park that we couldn't do since Eva is too small, but there was an entire section called Camp Snoopy that was filled with kid rides.  We spent most of the day there and Eva loved it.  By Knott’s day, my stomach couldn't handle many of the rides.  I was nauseated and had a piercing headache most of the day.  Michael had to be the champion and ride everything with Eva while I sat in the shade and tried not to pass out.  I suddenly understood why my grandma never rode on anything at Disneyland except It’s a Small World.  I’m living in that reality now.  

After a day of fun we were off to the airport for a late flight.  Eva was wearing a diaper so we could just get home and go straight to bed.  Near the end of the flight she started wiggling in her seat and I could tell she really needed to go to the bathroom.  The fasten seat belt sign was on so we couldn’t leave our seats.  I told Eva she would just need to pee in her diaper.  She agreed and zoned out with a Ruprecht look on her face while she relieved herself.  Then she went back to her game.  I laughed silently. 

We didn’t arrive home until nearly 2 AM and dropped into our beds in exhaustion.

I’m very glad that we took the time to have a real vacation together.  It was such a wonderful trip for us and I know we will look back fondly at our memories.

Let’s do it again sometime!

Disneyland

In a move that was completely out of character for me, I agreed to skedaddle to Disneyland when Michael suggested a spontaneous trip.  I guess technically it wasn’t spontaneous if you consider we made reservations and set our trip date a month ahead.  But it felt spontaneous to me.  It was a quick decision after our original vacation plans didn’t work out.  It also felt spontaneous because he suggested it and the next day I agreed.  I never agree to anything in a day.  Expect buying and eating more ice cream.

Eva was overwhelmed with excitement when we told her where we were headed.  She asked everyday if today was the day we were going to Disneyland.  After multiple days of her prodding, I finally had the brilliant idea to make a paper chain so she could visualize how many days were left before our trip.  It worked perfectly.

Everyday we took a loop off and everyday we talked about Disneyland.  We watched videos of all the fun things to do and see, and Eva had her entire trip planned out before we left.  She would recite her list, “I’m going to ride the colorful sea horse on the carousel, and the Ferris wheel, and Alice in Wonderland, and see fireworks, and ride a rollercoaster.  It will go fast and swoosh around.”

Sounds like a good trip.

We had a memorable and fun time together.  It was wicked hot, the crowds were nearly unbearable, and Michael developed multiple blisters and limped around like Igor; but we loved it.  It was expensive, exhausting, electrifying, excruciating, and enjoyable.  Definitely the best semi-spontaneous trip we’ve taken.  There were a few miserable parts: Like getting up at 2:30 in the morning to catch our flight.  Or when Eva pulled the sunshade from the stroller over her face and told me to stop talking to her.  Or when I had terrible motion sickness from every ride.  Or when we sweat enough to fill a moderately-sized lake.  But it was fun to watch Eva’s joy.  As we were walking up to the castle the first day she shouted, “Look, Mama!  It’s Disneyland!  It’s the happiest place on earth!”  That statement made all the miserable parts worth it.

Eva wore her Snow White dress the entire time we were there and was so excited for everything that was happening. She met princesses, talked to the other little girls like they were old friends, smiled and laughed, watched parades and a water show, and rode almost every ride – including the scary ones.  (Sidebar: Disneyland sets height requirements for their rides.  Michael and I naively thought that if Disneyland says it’s ok for our 3-year-old to go on Space Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean, and the Matterhorn, then surely it must be so.  We didn’t consider that she’s taller than most 4-year-olds and probably shouldn't go on the scary rides.  Eva was brave and went along with us but admitted the next day that the rides were scary.  She made sure that we weren’t going to do them again.  In fact, she’s still talking about how scary those rides were.  Sorry, Eva.) 

All said and done, Disneyland truly is magical for kids.  

We took a lot of pictures so here goes:

Next up…our adventures at Knott’s Berry Farm!

Summer Hazard

Oooh!  Eeee!  The bee stung me!

You can't tell but her foot was actually quite swollen.  Poor girl cried hysterically and wouldn’t let me pull out the stinger.  She finally did it on her own after I convinced her it was the only option.

Stepping on a bee.

We can officially check that one off our list.

Nieces and Nephews

I was flipping through my camera roll today and realized I never mentioned the fun-filled 2 weeks I had with my nieces and nephews.  They took turns coming to visit from Coeur d’Alene; nephews one week and nieces the next.  It was a hootin’-hollerin’ good time.

The first week with the boys we did lots of boy things: farting, singing about pizza rolls, pumping iron at the gym, and watching a movie every night.

The second week with the girls we did lots of girl things: farting, gossiping about girl’s camp, eating, and facials.

I sure adore these kids.  I had fun both weeks and sincerely enjoyed having semi-adults to talk to.  I’m still having difficulty wrapping my mind around the fact that they are now teenagers.

Here’s how they looked when they first started coming to my house on the weekends.  Spencer wasn’t even born yet.

I don’t want to talk about it.

I can’t believe how quickly they’ve grown and how quickly I’ve generated wrinkles and bags under my eyes.  Make it stop!