Soaked

I’ve made a new friend recently and she conned me into running with her on Saturdays.  I haven’t been running in over a year but she assured me that she’s just getting back into it as well and we wouldn’t be over-exerting ourselves.  I agreed and so far it’s been good. 

After she realized that I’m feeble-minded, she then conned me into running a 10k with her.  4 weeks after I started running again.  Not even 4 weeks, but 4 Saturdays of running.  AND I’ve been nursing an injury since our trip to the trampoline park.  (I was bouncing Michael and Eva while they sat on the trampoline and on one jump I felt my outer quad muscle rip into shreds.  It’s been bothering me ever since.) 

I’m not one of those people who can just pick up and run.  I’m not excellent at running and even when I’m extremely fit, I’m only marginally good at it.  In short, I didn’t feel ready to run 6.2 miles.  I was nervous, I was sick to my stomach about it, I was icing the crap out of my leg, and I wished I wasn’t loyal and could tell her to go suck an egg.  A rotten egg.

I asked Michael to give me a blessing.  He blessed me that I would find the reserves I needed to finish the race and that it would be a great accomplishment for me.  I was hoping he would say something about my leg being miraculously healed but he didn’t.  The only mention of my leg was when he said that I wouldn’t sustain further injury.  I knew then that the race was going to hurt.  But with the strength from the blessing, I was ready to do it.

The race was on the coast in Newport and the forecast predicted rain.  That was what we prepared for.  What we didn’t prepare for was the other gems of weather we experienced.

Rain.  Check.

Wind.  Check.

Hail.  Check.

Rain, wind, and hail all at the same time.  Check.

At one point the wind was whipping hail directly into our faces and I couldn’t lift my head for fear I would lose an eye or a tooth.  It was crazy.  We were soaked within the first 10 minutes of the race.  That weather lasted for nearly 4 miles and then it stopped and only misted for the remainder of the run. 

Here’s the cool part: I felt great!  My only goal was that I didn’t want to hold Genevieve back.  I told her from the very beginning that she could ditch me and run ahead at any point if I was being too slow.  I was never too slow.  In fact, there were some moments where I was running faster than she was and had to slow down for her.  I definitely had the reserves I needed.  And my leg?  It hurt but it wasn’t unbearable.  It wasn’t too tight, I wasn’t focused on the pain, and I never felt that I was going to fall down and die.  It was a successful race because of the Grace of God.

It truly was an answer to prayers and a strength to my knowledge that the Lord is always mindful of us; even in insignificant moments like a 10k.

 

When I came home I was met with flowers and balloons from my sweet husband and daughter.  I felt very loved.  It was a good day.

Crap.  Does this mean I’ve started running again?

The Seal is Broken

I’ve quit pretending I’m skilled in my employment as a parent.  Instead, I have decided to completely give in to unsavory parenting trends.

Just look at the distasteful activities we’ve been imbibing in recently:

Trips to Chuck E. Cheese’s – which actually isn’t so bad once you become accustomed to the body odor/kids/mildew stench rising from the carpets.  (I even let her eat lunch there.  Food.  Prepared by a mouse.  It’s the diarrhea rain dance.)

Candyland.  The board game, not my kitchen cupboards.  Eva bent all of the cards within the first 3 minutes of opening the box and I have yet to win a round.  Michael wins every time.  He’s also always the dealer.  Suspicious. 

Eyesight-destroying television viewing.  Is it a myth that sitting close to the TV ruins your eyes?  I sure hope it’s a myth.  I don’t want to have a blind child in 6 years after letting her sit with her nose physically touching the TV screen while she partied like a Preschooler to annoying music.

It’s a good thing no one is paying me for this parenting gig; they’d be getting swindled. 

R&R

Michael spent January and most of February working long hours trying to meet a deadline.  Thankfully the deadline has passed and now he’s back to somewhat normal hours.  (He has a bizarre tendency to awake before dawn.  Without an alarm clock.  I barely awake before noon.  With an alarm clock.)  Michael's project manager insisted he take a day off at the end of the project so we scoured the weather report and chose a day that would be sunny and warm.

We had a brilliant family day gallivanting around town. We began with a trip to the trampoline park.  Luckily for us, the sunny and warm day we had selected was also the day that the trampoline park does Toddler Time in the morning.  5 bucks for Eva and FREE for Michael and I to jump for an hour.  Magnificent!  We had a great time sinking into the foam pits and flashing our underwear as we struggled to emerge from the quick sand.  We had a great time playing dodgeball even though Michael threw the balls at me at inappropriate speeds.  That guy can throw hard!  We had a great time straining our muscles and sweating like pigs running a marathon.

We were tired and sore at the end of the hour and sought nourishment.  We went out to lunch and enjoyed sandwiches and Cheetos.  Mostly Cheetos.

We were feeling rejuvenated after consuming all of those atomic-orange morsels of goodness so we decided to go for a little hike.  We’ve had so much rain this winter that I wanted to see how Silver Falls was flowing.  It’s flowing mightily!

After our hike Eva was very tired and kept asking us to carry her.  I politely declined.  We enticed her to keep moving by promising a visit to the toys at the top of the trail.  She instantly found extra energy.

By the end of the day, each of us was exhausted and ready for bed.  It was a wonderful day spent with the people I love. 

I wish days off happened more often.

Here fishy, fishy, fishy.

Sometimes I have moments where I feel like I’m a pretty cool mom. For instance, I read books to Eva under her blankets and call it our cave. That’s pretty cool. I’ll take her to the park and stay for as long as she wants even though I’m ready to go home as soon as the car pulls into the parking lot. That’s pretty cool. I let her help me crack eggs even though it means I will have to clean up at least one off the floor. That’s pretty cool. Sometimes I pretend the hairbrush is a shark and talk to Eva about the fun things she’s combing her hair for. That’s pretty cool. Side note: I have an excellent shark voice. It’s deep enough to be realistic that he could be a cold-blooded killer, but gentle enough that Eva wants to talk to him, and weird enough that it seems he might have some mental impairment and that’s why he’s interested in talking to a 3-year-old. He’s a complex character.

I had another Pretty-Cool-Mom moment this week. I made Eva a fishing pole. I realize that sounds ridiculous but I’m not crafty by nature. I don’t hobnob with the vinyl lettering ladies or have great ideas for holiday decorations. I’m confused by Etsy and I don’t buy ribbon. But this week I was crafty. Here’s how it happened: I was looking for Play-dough cutters at Jo-Ann Fabrics and saw an assortment of wooden dowels along the wall. They were standing up in their tubes like little soldiers and I knew I needed to make a fishing pole out of one of them. Side note: The last time I purchased a wooden dowel, I was standing in the check-out line tapping the stick on the floor as I casually people-watched. The man in front of me turned around and asked how long I’d been blind. I was confused by this oddball question until I realized he thought the dowel was my cane. I looked down at the stick and replied, “Oh, I’m not blind. This is just a dowel.” He was terribly embarrassed and bolted from the line, not even waiting long enough for his receipt. I suppose I was moving my head about like Stevie Wonder as I enjoyed staring at the freaks in the store, tapping my dowel. Lesson learned. (By both of us, I think.)

I shouldn’t laud myself too much since I just nailed a shoelace into the dowel and glued a magnet on the end. I purchased wooden animal shapes and glued magnets to them too. However, that’s a serious crafting session for me so I will extol my genius as much as I want. I sold it to Eva as an amazing adventure and she lapped it up. Big time. I even got the laundry basket out so she could have a boat. She spent a long time fishing from her boat and the joy on her sweet face was precious.

That’s pretty cool.

Marginally Competent

My week is not complete until I have successfully purchased something from Amazon. It can be a movie rental, an episode of my favorite TV show, skin oil for my dog, a sack of rocks, it really doesn’t matter. Every month when I reconcile my credit card the statement reads, “Amazon, Phillips 66, Costco, Amazon, Target, Amazon, Phillips 66, Costco, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Dollar Tree, Amazon, Goodwill.” I’m totally kidding, of course.

I never shop at Goodwill.

Today I bought my requisite happiness then moved on to reading my sister’s blog. As I was giggling about her adventures with garishly colored lipstick, an email confirmation from Amazon popped up on my screen. I read the subject line and was puzzled at what Amazon was claiming I had purchased. Here’s how the subject line of the email read, “Your Amazon.com order of Learning Resources...and 1 moreitem.”

I said to myself, “Moreitem? What’s a moreitem? I didn’t buy anything called moreitem.” Then I did what every intelligent person does and I tried sounding out the word.

Mor-e-it-em?

Mo-reit-em?

Mo-reitem?

Haberdasher?

I was stumped! What in the world are they trying to say? Have I been transported to a country that doesn’t employ English as an official language? Why is Amazon being idiotic?

Just when I was about to swear off buying any more useless junk from a foreign retailer, my brain re-solidified and I could suddenly read again.

More item.  1 more item. As in, you purchased 2 separate items from Amazon just moments ago.

It’s 2 words. (You moron.)

So I’m an ignoramus.

Getoverit.

Valentine’s Day

Let’s just admit to each other that Valentine’s Day is a contrived holiday. If you’re single, Valentine’s Day makes you feel crappy that you’re single; if you’re not single, Valentine’s Day makes you feel anxious that you’re expected to be sexy and romantic every February 14^th when really you just want to wear sweatpants. If you’re a kid, Valentine’s Day produces a shoebox full of useless cards that your parents have to clean up from all over the house. It’s a silly holiday.

But I celebrated it nonetheless. Why would I turn down chocolate-covered strawberries?

Since Eva no longer takes a nap – which really hurts my feelings – I have extra hours to fill during the day. I’m always looking for activities that I won’t mind doing with her. This excludes anything Science related, anything that requires special trips to the store for supplies, anything with glitter, and anything that makes me have to plan ahead. I’m a really good mom.

Decorating Valentine’s Day cupcakes for her little friends was an acceptable activity so we set to it. Eva had a great time shaking the sprinkles and frequently licking her fingers. I did take care not to let her contaminate any of the cupcakes that we were handing out. I do have cleanliness standards after all. I would most definitely receive a grade of “A” from a Health Department inspector. (As long as he didn’t inspect any other part of my house.)

About 3 cupcakes into our decorating, I handed a frosted cupcake to Eva for sprinkling. She took the cupcake and licked all of the frosting off in one swipe of her tongue. She looked and me and said, “More frosting, please.” I can’t blame her. It was deliciously tempting. Michael was working from home and kept begging for more cupcakes. I had to finally cut him off at 26.

I love to cook so I especially enjoyed it. Eva especially enjoyed eating her cupcake. She got up from the table and went to play with her toys as soon as she had finished eating; we were only halfway done with the decorating. Such is my life.

The next day I was sweeping under the table and gathered enough sprinkles to fill a sandbox.

Now that’s a sandbox I would play in.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Answers?

10 things I’d like to know:

1. Why the smelliest woman in the entire library chooses to sit next to me at story time. Every time.
2. Why this smelliest woman next to me must fidget every 30 seconds and repeatedly kick up her smelly dust into my nostrils.
3. Why any checkout line I choose to occupy at Costco immediately becomes the slowest moving line.
4. Why Eva always calls for me from the bathroom at the most inconvenient times. Like when I’m trying to eat ice cream.
5. Why eating ice cream makes me fat. I only load my bowl with half of the half-gallon container. That’s only a quarter of a gallon at a time. My arithmetic says this shouldn’t make me a chub.
6. Why I simultaneously have acne and crow’s feet.
7. Why every pedestrian I courteously wait for shuffles so slowly across the street that I miss the light. Can they not see I’m waiting to turn the corner?
8. Why Eva gets up early on weekends but never on school days.
9. Why my dog constantly smells like the inside of my belly button – putrid.
10. And why does my belly button stink? I shower nearly every day.

I wonder if Google knows.