Birthday Wishes

Happy Birthday to the best Dad I ever had!  I love you, Papa.  I hope you have a GREAT day!

You Can’t Deny Genetics

Camping out in the refrigerator?  She is absolutely my offspring.

She was heartbroken when I asked her to leave.

If it weren’t so cold, I would probably live in the refrigerator too.

Christmas

Our Christmas was pretty quiet.  Christmas Eve we went to dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant.  It was delicious and free thanks to a gift card from my papa.  We need to work on an actual plan for next year because it didn't really feel like Christmas.

On Christmas morning Eva had three presents to open which took about 10 minutes and that was that. 

She opened a Mr. Potato Head (my friend gave it to Eva for her birthday but I saved it for Christmas.  She had enough presents at her birthday.  I’m a tyrant like that.)

And a book and an outfit from Grandma Maas. 

We also put a new pair of shoes and some necklaces in her stocking.  She was thrilled with the necklaces and looked at the shoes in disgust. 

My parents bought her swimming lessons.  We begin those in January and I’m really excited about it.

We were having a few friends over for dinner so I spent the rest of the day stressing about the meal and yelling at Michael when things weren’t turning out correctly.  Next year I am not making a big meal.  Next year I hope to be with family building a puzzle and eating a  cheese ball instead.  Michael deserves something for putting up with my shenanigans all day so I’m making him a loaf of bread this morning as a peace offering.

As our gift to ourselves, we bought a box of chocolates and I ate nearly half of them in one sitting.  This morning Eva was enjoying her share.

She may look like her father, but she has the refined palate of her mother.

More Complaining

Two words: ear infection

Three words: I have one

AND?

Eva finished her antibiotics on Saturday and woke up with a runny nose and a cough on Sunday.  Today she is quite congested and I feel like I’m deaf in one ear. 

We’re living in a den of disease.

Habit Forming

Eva loves Diet Root Beer.

And Dr. Pepper 10.

And Diet Pepsi.

And Fresca.

I’m expecting the notification that I’ve won the “Parent of the Year” award any minute.

Sick and Tired of Justice

I’m really sorry I said anything about Michael not being sick.  REALLY SORRY.  He took the whole “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours” thing literally.  Thanks.

I’ve come to realize that I would rather have my arm gnawed off by my dog then be nauseated.  (And he could do it, too.  He’s chewed clothes right off the back of my nephew, he’s gnawed drywall off of the garage wall, he’s chewed the head off of Eva’s doll, and most recently, he chewed the Santa hat off of my Grinch.  An arm would round out his resume.)

Thankfully Michael had deep sympathy for my plight since he had just experienced it.  He went to the store and bought me Tillamook strawberry ice cream and made his own dinner last night.

This morning I feel significantly better with just a hint of a sore stomach.  I’m glad it was a quick moving bug.

As of today, I have been sick for exactly one month.  Is there a consolation prize or something?  

An Apology

I’m sorry, Michael.  I said there was no justice in the world because you weren’t sick.  The world has responded with justice.

I’m sorry you have flu-like symptoms today and have been spending the majority of your morning in the bathroom.

I’m sorry I didn’t knock on wood after my complaint.  I’m sorry you have downed half a bottle of Pepto with no relief.  I’m sorry you are pale. 

And I’ll be really sorry if I catch it.

Sickos

We took a family trip to the doctor today.

Eva has an ear infection.

I have a sinus infection.

Michael is perfectly healthy.

There is no justice in the world. 

Worker Bee

Eva is such a good helper around the house. 

She helps with the dishes:

She alphabetizes the movies:

She organizes the kitchen drawers:

All without being asked.  And she doesn’t even demand an allowance. 

Sneaking a Snickers

Going to church with Eva has become increasingly difficult the older she gets.  It’s hard to keep her entertained and not screeching during the meetings; it’s the same struggle I have with Michael every week.  Eva has not slept in my arms since she was probably six months old.  She refuses to fall asleep if I am holding her.  However, on the trip to my grandpa’s funeral, I witnessed Eva sleeping in my sister’s arms TWICE! And I saw it again over Thanksgiving.  Turns out it IS possible.

Michael didn’t think that I could recreate this event.  He said that my sister is the Baby Whisperer and I don’t possess the same skills to make my baby sleep in my arms. As with all disagreements that I have with Michael, my end goal is to prove him wrong.  Today I did just that.

Eva was starting to fuss so I decided to take her into the Mother’s Lounge and become the Baby Whisperer.  The Mother’s Lounge is just a room in the bathroom with rocking chairs, a changing table, and the ever-present odor of dirty diapers.  The first time I ever went into the Mother’s Lounge, I made the mistake of flinging the door wide open and was met with a breastfeeding woman who wasn’t concerned with discreetness.  It was awkward.  I wasn’t interested in seeing that manatee again, so I gingerly opened the door this time, and thankfully the room was empty.   I settled into the chair and I rocked Eva and sang to her and refused to let her squirm off my lap.  Within minutes I had achieved this:

  

I was proud and starving.  Luckily my dear husband, who didn’t believe in me, left a Snickers in my bag.  So I ate it.

It was a deserved reward for a job well done.  It was delicious.

Best day at church ever.

Bamboozled

One of the selling points Myke pitched to me when he wanted to move to Oregon was that it never snows in Oregon.  “Maybe once every four years,” he said to me.  It snowed the year before we moved so clearly I wouldn’t have to deal with snow for a while. 

Well, it started snowing this morning and it keeps accumulating.

   

Lies.  All lies.

Some for Eva

I impulsively purchased a package of Red Vines licorice at the check stand yesterday.  I usually look at that crap in the check-out line and resist the urge to fall for the marketing ploy, but yesterday the licorice looked incredibly enticing.

I had a couple of pieces then set the package on the end table while Michael showed me a new game he downloaded onto his phone.  It was a stupid word game that immediately hooked me.  This is why I don’t install games on my phone.  Anyway, whilst I was absorbed in thinking of a 7 letter word for “to sell illegally,” Eva saw a weakness.

Seizing the opportunity:

Enjoying the spoils:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Returning for seconds:

Relishing the victory:

The cell phone is a terrible crutch to proper parenting.

(The 7 letter word?  Traffic.)

Complaint

I awoke with a sore throat on my birthday.  That was November 18th.  I still have a sore throat.  Today is December 4th.

Consider this my formal complaint.

Long Drive Home

We returned home from our Thanksgiving holiday last night.  It was a nice trip.  Some aspects didn’t turn out as I had planned; Michael worked a lot, Eva and I were sick, but it was still comforting to be with family.  When I’m with my family, there is no worry.  I don’t have to worry about if I’m going to say something stupid, if I look ugly, or if I’m contributing in a worthwhile way to the conversation.  I’m just at ease in a different way than I am with friends.  I miss that.  Oregon feels a million miles away the first few days back as I re-adjust to my quiet solitude again. 

Eva was a trooper and was mostly well-behaved in the car.  At one point I looked back at her and saw this:

Other times I looked back and saw screaming, but we won’t dwell on that.  She’s a good girl. 

The days went by quickly but I am grateful we were able to squeeze in a visit.  I will now anxiously await our next trip.

Happy Birf-day!

Yesterday was my birthday.  I love birthdays.  I have said this before.  I love a birthday even more when it’s my own. 

My birthday this year was good but not fantastic.  I woke up with a sore throat and never really felt vivacious the rest of the day.  Michael has a big project looming at work so he was occupied and I ended up having to bake my own birthday cake.  The stars were not aligned for me this year.

However, Michael bought me a new cookbook and some mixing bowls that I’ve been wanting and he took me to lunch.  I went to ice cream later in the evening with my girlfriends and had a lot of phone calls and well-wishes from family and friends.  I can’t complain too much. 

My delicious cake with coconut-pecan frosting.  I’m totally in it for the frosting.

   

Getting ready for my birthday song.

Eva enjoying her piece of cake.

My visiting teachers from church brought me another cake and an orchid.

It’s good to be 34.  Happy Birthday also to my brother and my niece!  They turned 28 and 8 respectively. 

San Diego

I just returned home from San Diego on Saturday.  We buried my grandpa and began the chore of cleaning out his house in preparation to sell it sometime in the Spring.  In the days leading up to the trip, I had a lot of anxiety about going to say goodbye.  I was pretty emotional and struggled to keep my tears under control.  However, once I arrived in San Diego, I was completely calm.  Peace overtook the sadness, and I was glad that Grandpa was reunited with my Grandma and whole again.

The funeral was the best one I have ever attended.  It was a sincere tribute and celebration of his life and I only shed a few tears.  My sisters, mom, cousins, aunt and I sang a musical number at the funeral.  I had initially worried I would just blubber through the whole thing but I didn’t cry at all.  We sang like angels and beautifully sent Grandpa off.  It was a great experience. 

After the cemetery, we went to lunch at my grandpa’s favorite Italian restaurant.  We filled the banquet room and laughed and talked.  At the end of the meal, my uncle passed around a box of See’s chocolates; Grandpa’s favorite candy.  Delicious! 

We didn't have much time to play, but we did manage to sneak in a visit to the beach and the roller coaster at Belmont Park.  We also hit Point Loma Seafoods for a squid sandwich. TWICE!  It was excellent.  Here are the only pictures I have from the trip:  

Me and my sissies at the cemetery.

At the luncheon, stuffing our faces.

Riding the roller coaster.  Which, by the way, is wooden and rattles your brains out.  My brother and I groaned around each curve like a couple of senior citizens.

At Mission Beach.

It was strange to think about not ever being at his house again, but it was alright.  Everything about the week felt right.  I am grateful for that.  It was a wonderfully special blessing.  My brother's wife had their baby girl late at night the same day of the funeral.  We bid farewell to one family member and welcomed in another.  The circle of life continues.

Overwhelmed

Got a lot to do.  Got a lot on my mind.  Not enough time for both. 

Anniversary

Michael and I are celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary.  Today I am a mixture of happiness and sorrow; happy to celebrate another year with my husband, sorrowful because my grandfather just passed away.  We’ve been planning our anniversary date for weeks and I’m trying to remember it's appropriate to celebrate in the midst of grief.  Tonight we are going to a romantic dinner and then watching the new Thor movie.  Eva is not invited.  She will be at our friend’s house. 

Anniversaries are funny.  I can’t believe it has been 11 years already, but then I also feel like it’s been longer.  It’s as though we’ve always been together.  I’m grateful for the chance to take a moment and reflect on our relationship and the importance of it.  I thought when I married Michael that my love for him was really deep and meaningful.  It wasn’t.  It was an immature, fairy tale kind of love that has since evolved into something deep and meaningful.  I love him now with intensity.  I continue to grow in my love for him.  The most astounding thing is that I’m not sick of him and we actually still have things to talk about!

Michael is kind and patient and sincere.  He puts up with my nagging and carrying on, he overlooks my goatee and sausage fingers, he unloads the dishwasher because he knows I hate doing it.  He is my source of strength and happiness.

So on this 11th anniversary, I will take a break from sadness for a moment and celebrate my union with Michael.  I’m going to eat Crème Brulee and a candy bar, and cry again later. 

I love you, Mykey!   

Girl’s Night

When the man is out of the house, Eva and I like to kick back together and watch Iron Chef America.

 

Unfortunately, Eva always bogarts the remote.

Unmentionables

Looks like she knows exactly what to do.

How depressing that we wear the same size.

Halloween

We had a nice Halloween.  Michael wore his Richard Simmons costume to work and won the “Most Frightening” award: a gift card to the movies.  We’re going to use it to see Thor for our anniversary next weekend.  This is only half of the people in his office because some of them were gone and some didn’t dress up. 

Myke was such a sport, he even wore his costume to the sandwich shop for lunch.  We received a lot of positive reactions and chuckles.  It was fun.

In the evening we went trick or treating with one of our friends around their neighborhood.  It was perfect outside.  The temperature was in the high 50’s with no precipitation.  I wore my puffy coat because I’m used to being cold on Halloween but it was far too hot.  I ended up stealing Myke’s jacket and he was just in shorts and a T-shirt.  Eva was a giraffe and was really cute.  She was actually a little sweaty too when I took her costume off.  It was Eva’s second Halloween, but her first time trick or treating so it was exciting.   

We only took Eva up to the doors of the first few houses and then she just wanted to ride in the stroller.  She had a pretty good haul of candy for a 1 year old who can’t walk or say “Trick or Treat.”

Of course, this is what is left after I ate the Snickers and the licorice.  And Myke had a Jolly Rancher.

I was sad knowing that my family was having a gathering and eating delicious food without me, but our evening was really nice.  I did miss the chili and cornbread though.  We had corndogs for dinner.  Who ever heard of corndogs on Halloween?  Next year I will make chili and invite people over.

It was a good holiday all around.

Happy Halloween!

1 Year Checkup

Eva had her 1 year old checkup today.  She received 4 vaccinations and handled it like a champ.  She screamed for a few minutes then smiled at the Dr. on our way out.  Bless her little heart.  Her stats:

• Weight: 23 lbs, 8 oz. (90th percentile)
• Height: 31 1/4 inches  (97th percentile)
• Head Circumference: 45 cm (50th percentile)

She is right on par with all of the benchmarks and the Dr. said that Eva was a wonderfully well-behaved patient.  Eva babbled throughout the examination and then started to dance when the Dr. lifted Eva up to see her stand.  It was really cute.

I'm glad she's healthy and happy.  Her personality is really starting to come out and she loves to socialize.  I'm excited for our trip home for Thanksgiving because I think she will be a lot more friendly towards my family.  She's just the cutest little thing you've ever seen.  (Completely unbiased opinion.)  

    

1st Birthday

My baby turned 1 on Sunday, October 27th.  I was really sad all week leading up to it, but once Sunday arrived, I was fine.  I can’t believe it’s been an entire year.  Everything about my pregnancy and Eva's birth went perfectly.  I loved every part of it.  I especially will cherish that my sister was the one who delivered Eva.  It was a very special experience for both of us.

And now my baby is 1.  I always knew that if I ever had a child, he or she would spend the 1st birthday on my parents’ kitchen table tearing into a cake.  It was a little bittersweet to have her sitting on my own table without family around.  However, I did invite the three friends I spend the most time with to come over and it was a wonderful evening.  We ate dinner, the kids ran around screaming, and I really felt like I was with my family.  No one grabbed my butt or turned the conversation to an inappropriate topic, but still, I wasn’t lonely or sad.  It sincerely felt like a celebration.  And the food was delicious.

Eva wasn’t terribly interested in eating her cake.  She did fling frosting all over the dining room but that was about it.  Looking back, I shouldn't have given her dinner.  Just cake.  Huge error on my part.  Some photos for your enjoyment:

I’m not sure why she’s King-Konging the cake here.

  She kept flinging the frosting then clapping like she was amazing.

Sugar coma kicking in.

Only superficial damage to the cake.

We bought her a few presents but she wasn’t interested in them at all.  We opened them up and she immediately crawled away to chew on a paper cup.  I could have saved myself $30.  Another error on my part.

Here she is looking for the cup that is behind her.  What a marvelous toy.

It has been such a joyful year having her in our family.  It’s amazing to watch her grow and develop and I’m certainly grateful that I have her.

Happy Birthday, Eva!

Halloween Party

Michael and I were invited to an adults only Halloween costume party on Saturday.  I’ve never been to such an event and it was a lot of fun.  I ate my weight in hors d'oeuvres, I socialized AND our babysitter only charged us $10 since Eva was already in bed and she felt guilty taking money.  She didn’t want to take anything but I made her split the difference with me.

The costumes were quite elaborate.  I didn’t realize these people would be so serious about dressing up.  I scrounged my stewardess costume from a few years ago and Myke was Richard Simmons.  Our babysitter asked him who he was and when he answered, “Richard Simmons,” she replied, “Who’s that?”  We’ve crossed over into old people land where the young whippersnappers don’t speak our language.

Next year I’ll be more prepared in the costume department.  There were prizes for different categories and I really wanted to win one of those candy prizes.  Sugar Babies taste so much better when they’re free.  But we didn’t win.  Not by a long shot.

Even so, it was a good night. 

Blankey

My dad gave me a Boise State throw blanket a few years ago. It's my favorite blanket and I use it whenever I watch TV, (17 hours a day) and to keep me warm in our freezing cold house. Michael insists on setting the thermostat to -26.

It's in the wash right now and I'm feeling some separation anxiety.  I'm cold despite the sweater I'm wearing and I need to wrap up in my blankey. 

Is it acceptable to sit in front of the dryer until it's done?

A Riddle

My dog sleeps on the floor outside our bedroom door.  He has a bed in the guestroom but he refuses to sleep in there.  Every morning I get up while it’s still dark outside to workout.  Every morning I have to step over the dog and hope he doesn’t trip me in my stupor.  I run on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.  I take Aika with me on those days.  The other days I go to the YMCA.  Here’s the riddle:

Every morning I come out of my room dressed in workout clothes.  I exit the bedroom at 5:05 on the days I go to the Y, and 5:20 on the days I run.  I never speak to Aika since I am a grouch that early.  On the days I’m going to the Y, he doesn’t move from his spot.  He doesn’t even lift his head to look at me.  Some mornings I wonder if he is dead.  On the days I’m running, he jumps up from his spot and whines and jumps and twirls.  He races down the stairs ahead of me and runs around in circles while I put my shoes on. 

How does he know what day it is?

I wonder if he has a day planner somewhere in his room with the running days circled in red.  Maybe he stores it under his bed with his Victoria Secret catalogs.  Maybe he uses Google calendar from my computer during the night.  I wish I could find his schedule.  I’m pretty sure the running days are outlined like this:

• Wake up and lick genitals.  Wait for Mom to come out of her room then writhe around like I have rabies.  Stomp on her feet multiple times and drool all over her pants.
• Run.  Stop at inconvenient times to urinate even though I’ve already completely emptied my bladder.  Occasionally get tangled in the leash.
• Come home.  Drink feverishly from my bowl to splash the maximum amount of water onto the floor.  Go to the toilet for seconds.  Pant and drool.
• Nap in the middle of the kitchen floor.
• See what Eva is having for lunch and steal it from her hands. 
• Nap in the middle of the living room floor.
• Put my nose on the window to leave streak marks while looking for non-existent squirrels and cats.
• Beg for chicken scraps while Mom makes dinner.
• Hit the sack early.

I think I’d rather be Aika.

Sicko

My daughter is disgusting.  She eats wood chips at the playground, dog food and dirt.  She poops her pants and drools.  Her newest obsession?  The toilet.  It’s a great moment for her when I forget to put the lid down. 

 

She splashes around like it’s a waterpark. 

It completely grosses me out. 

Karma

I decided after the Pilates class a couple of weeks ago that I should probably keep attending because it would be good for my flexibility.  Right now I don’t have any.  I can’t touch my toes without bending my knees.  It’s always been this way.  We had to do the Sit and Reach in school and I never even reached to the numbers on the little box.  My teachers were always appalled.  (This was just one of the many reasons.  I’ve never done a pull-up either.  I’m pathetic.)

Yesterday at the class I nearly tooted on the roll-up move; the exact move that elicited the stranger’s flatulence the first time I attended.  Worse yet, we did a new move where we scrunched up into a ball and rolled down onto our backs then rolled up again.  I could feel the rumblings in my belly and desperately tried not to squeeze one out.  It was like attempting to smother Old Faithful with a tube sock.  The Heckler has become the Hecklee.   

Karma really is a #!@*%!

Come and Get Me

Eva climbs the stairs now.  She is very stealthy about it.  Suddenly I will look up and she is gone.  Today we were on our way out the door when she disappeared.  I chased after her and she thought it was hilarious.

She was halfway up the staircase by the time I arrived. 

She briefly stopped to admire how far she had traveled.          

Then took off when I tried to pick her up.

She was indignant at the suggestion that she should quit climbing.

Then celebrated her victory by taunting me.

She clearly doesn’t respect my authority.  I’m losing my bossy edge.