Another Long Ago Holiday

Ah, Father’s Day.  Eva told me a couple of days before Father’s Day that it could be Father’s Day and Girlie Day.  She was certain that her Daddy would want to share the day with her.  Every time I made a preparation for Father’s Day, she would ask what it was for.  When I answered that it was for Father’s Day, she would say, “You mean, Father's Day and Girlie Day.”  Yes.  That’s exactly what I mean.

I wanted the day to be extra special so I tried my best to make sure Michael didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to on Father’s Day.  I even did it willingly and with a smile.  I’m such a good wife.

I made him biscuits and gravy for breakfast and they were very tasty.  I remembered my gaffe on his birthday and didn’t dump the entire box of salt in like I had the first time.  That turned out to be a wise choice.  I’m usually not a lover of biscuits and gravy but my, my, my, they were divine.  I’m such a good cook.

Michael has a binder full of talks that his mission president gave while Michael was serving as a missionary – back in the olden days.  He cherishes these talks and has tenderly cared for them all these years.  They are photocopies of photocopies, typed haphazardly with varying fonts and grammatical errors, and they are difficult to read without complete concentration.  For his Father’s Day gift, I spent six weeks retyping this binder full of talks.  I thought it would be an easy task but underestimated how long it actually takes to type up over 100 pages of single-spaced text.  Turns out it takes about six weeks.  It was a difficult task at times, but I imagined how excited Michael would be when he unwrapped the new binder and that kept me motivated.  My fingerprints are worn off from all the tap-tap-tapping on the keyboard and my carpal tunnel syndrome has flared so severely that I can’t bend either of my wrists, but I’m glad he has a shiny new binder of prettily-typed talks.  He loved the gift and I loved that I could give him something meaningful.  I’m such a thoughtful person.

The best gift came in the form of more food.  Ribs, cowboy spuds, and artichokes for dinner.  And a towering carrot cake for dessert.  MMMMMmmmmmmm.  I’m such a good menu planner.

I’m so blessed to have Michael and the superb influence that he is as the father in our home. 

I’m such a good husband-chooser.

Happy Father’s Day! (And Girlie Day)

Holidays Long Ago

As long as I’m posting about celebrations so far in the past it’s like they never happened, let’s talk about the days for the parents;  Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day was a lovely affair, complete with German Chocolate Cake.  Eva’s preschool did Muffins with Moms the week before Mother’s Day.  It was noisy and chaotic and I had the delightful opportunity to sit my fat bottom in a tiny preschool-sized chair.  Not only was it tiny in width, it was only about 2 inches from the ground.  My knees were pleasantly tucked into my third chin and my saddlebags were dangling serenely just centimeters above the carpet.  I’ve never been more comfortable. 

Eva and I made a craft together and ate muffins.  Well…I made a craft and ate muffins.  Eva mostly jumped around.  I did feel bad for poor Eva because she desperately wanted a chocolate muffin but was told multiple times to wait until the dessert table was opened to the public.  When it was finally time to eat, I was engrossed in gluing Eva’s handprints onto a butterfly body and I didn’t realize the table was open for consumption.  The chocolate muffins were gone by the time we arrived at the trough.  Eva was a good sport and grandfathered her excitement into the lemonade stand instead.  She drank two full glasses of lemonade and ate nothing else.  We made many trips to the potty that day.

Eva had made me a gift prior to the get together which I got to open when I arrived.  She was very proud of the stickers she had chosen and shouted multiple times, “Mama!  I made this for you!”  My heart was molten hot with love for her.

 

On Mother's Day proper, Michael wrote me a sweet letter and bought me a hand-held mixer and electric salt and pepper grinders.  I scored my annual candy bar at church, which was consumed in the car on the way home.  It was a happy Mother’s Day and I’m incredibly grateful that I get to celebrate motherhood and have a legitimate excuse to eat chocolate all day.

Now, what should I make first with my new mixer…

40 Years of Michael

I haven’t acknowledged the recent holiday celebrations we’ve had and I’m feeling like a jerk about it.  My dear husband turned 40 in April and I didn’t share that news.  40!  (Maybe I’m not actually a jerk and I just didn’t want people to know I’m married to Old Man River.)  I feel okay about my slight since it was also Mother’s Day and I didn’t say boo. 

I reserve all of my booing for Halloween.

And for most of Myke’s jokes.

I felt perfectly fine about Michael turning 40.  He, however, did not feel fine at all.  I heard a lot of whining in the weeks leading up to his birf-day.  He moaned things like, “My life is over, I haven't accomplished anything, my hair is gray, my belly is a voluptuous orb, I don't own a Tesla automobile, and I’m practically dead.”  I tried to cheer him up by pointing out all of the good things about his life.  For instance, he has a beautiful daughter, he’s got a good job, he’s healthy, and he’s married to me; an awesome woman who is moderately overweight with facial hair and acne. 

Jackpot! 

He wasn’t consoled.

It actually kind of turned out to be a weird birthday.  I had big plans for a wonderful celebration but nothing quite turned out like I had hoped.  Maybe turning 40 really does suck.  I started the day by making biscuits and gravy for breakfast, which were salt licks.  I failed to consider the saltiness of the sausage and salted the crap out of that gravy by the end.  It really was inedible.  Sorry about that.  Lesson learned.  Then we went bowling.  It wasn’t really bowling but more of a chase-Eva-around-the-bowling-alley-while-she-touches-everything-and-walks-in-front-of-other-bowlers.  It was exhausting.  Plus, I told the guy I wear a size 10 shoe and he interpreted it as a size 27.  I was clomping around like a clown but I was too lazy to walk all the way to the counter for a smaller size.

 

We had lunch and planted flowers in the front yard.  It seems like a strange thing to do for a birthday party but that’s what we did.  Eva wandered around with my phone taking pictures.  She would even preface each picture with, “Smile Daddy!” 

After horticulture hour, we picked up a babysitter for Eva while Myke and I had a massage.  That part was actually nice. I sprang for the 90 minute massage but the time flew by much too quickly.  Is there really any amount of time that feels satisfying when it comes to a massage?  I think not.

We then we came home for a family campout.  Mama don’t camp outside so I camped out in the house in my bed while Myke and Eva camped out in the backyard.  We had a fire and S’mores instead of cake and I thought it was divine.  Eva was having the time of her life.  She was so excited about everything that was happening. 

          

Unfortunately, Myke did not share her enthusiasm.  He told me the next day that he wished we would have had cake and ice cream instead of S’mores.  He also said he wished he hadn’t slept outside on a cot.  And that he wasn’t 40.

I bought him ice cream a day later and we celebrated turning 40 the way God intended – by each of us devouring an entire carton of Ben & Jerry’s.

40 isn’t so bad after all.

Happy Birthday, Michael!

Space Cadet

If you travel to outer space you will see planets, stars, and all kinds of ponies.  Space ponies.

Just ask Eva.

Life Hacks

Eva has life figured out.  She knows how to live in her own happy, carefree world.  For only five easy payments of $29.95, she’s willing to help you live the same way.  Here’s a peek at some of the worthwhile advice she can offer you.  Make your check payable to Booney.

Sleep.  If you suffer from insomnia, consider using one of the following slumber techniques.

The “Do Not Disturb”

The “Contemplative”

The “Mama”

Do your bathroom visits seem mundane?  Try one of Eva’s tricks for a more pleasant experience to the throne. 

The “Rock Bath”

The “Ethereal Toilet Paper”

Perhaps her best advice is to escape reality whenever you can.  Be someone else for a day.  It’s liberating.  Eva endorses: 

The “Fairy Princess”

The “Friendly Costume”

The “Headless Horseman Ballerina”

Eva also suggests that you make a new friend.  And then ask where your new friend is at least four times a day.  And then escape into the yard at least twelve times a day looking for your new friend.  And then mistake every other kitty in the entire city for your new friend.  Animal/human relationships are very therapeutic; except for the mother of the human.

 

If none of these brilliant ideas work for you, then you’re a real jerk.

But I’m still willing to accept your check.