Funny Eva

As Eva continues to grasp the English language and can speak clearly and in complete sentences, she makes me laugh with the random things she says.  Here are some funny Eva moments lately:

• I was tickling her and she abruptly stopped me and angrily said, “No!  You can’t tickle me.  Only Daddy.  You’re too sloppy.” 

Huh.  I’ve never considered myself to be a sloppy kind of person but I appreciate the constructive criticism.  I will work to tighten up my tickling technique.

• We had to take separate cars to church a few weeks ago because I had to stay late for a meeting.  Eva rode in Michael’s car and they were following behind me.  Eva pointed out the windshield and said to Michael, “Look, there’s my Mama.  She’s in her car.  Her name is Bernie.”

I’ve had a lot of people mispronounce my name in a lot of ways but never Bernie.  I’m mildly offended since my sister had a dog named Bernie and he was dumber than a mop.  And he looked like one too.  And he peed everywhere except for outdoors.  Am I missing the resemblance here?

• We were at Cabela’s looking at the fish tank and they have a Cave bear skeleton on display.  It’s surrounded by a railing that is taller than Eva so she stood on the bottom of the railing to boost her up for a closer look.  She was happily hanging over the rail by her armpits, admiring the structure, when one of her feet slipped back onto the floor.  Eva looked at me with terrified eyes and said in a teary voice, “I almost fell into the bones, Mama.  I almost fell into the bones.” 

Poor Eva had her first near-death experience and I, her sensitive mother, giggled.  I shouldn’t have chuckled – it’s probably scary for a 3 year-old to freefall a few inches while a skeletal bear towers over on its hind legs.  She almost fell into the bones! 

• When I picked up Eva from Child Watch at the YMCA today I asked her my usual barrage of questions, ending with, “Were you a good girl?”  Eva responded, “Yes, indeed.”

I sure like my daughter.  Yes, indeed.

Selfie

Eva has become very adept at operating my mobile phone.  She used to just swipe around willy-nilly and mess with my settings, change my wallpaper, send cryptic texts to my contacts, and call psychic hotlines to see what Madame Ruby sees.  Now she uses my phone purposefully and methodically.

Part of her method and purpose is to take selfies. 

Selfies in the morning

Selfies in the afternoon

Shadow-Selfies in the moonlight

I guess it’s my own fault. I was giving her tutorials before she even had motor skills.

Next tutorial?  Passing gas and making a big deal out of it.

Wait. She already does that.

I’m really getting the hang of this parenting thing.

Soaked

I’ve made a new friend recently and she conned me into running with her on Saturdays.  I haven’t been running in over a year but she assured me that she’s just getting back into it as well and we wouldn’t be over-exerting ourselves.  I agreed and so far it’s been good. 

After she realized that I’m feeble-minded, she then conned me into running a 10k with her.  4 weeks after I started running again.  Not even 4 weeks, but 4 Saturdays of running.  AND I’ve been nursing an injury since our trip to the trampoline park.  (I was bouncing Michael and Eva while they sat on the trampoline and on one jump I felt my outer quad muscle rip into shreds.  It’s been bothering me ever since.) 

I’m not one of those people who can just pick up and run.  I’m not excellent at running and even when I’m extremely fit, I’m only marginally good at it.  In short, I didn’t feel ready to run 6.2 miles.  I was nervous, I was sick to my stomach about it, I was icing the crap out of my leg, and I wished I wasn’t loyal and could tell her to go suck an egg.  A rotten egg.

I asked Michael to give me a blessing.  He blessed me that I would find the reserves I needed to finish the race and that it would be a great accomplishment for me.  I was hoping he would say something about my leg being miraculously healed but he didn’t.  The only mention of my leg was when he said that I wouldn’t sustain further injury.  I knew then that the race was going to hurt.  But with the strength from the blessing, I was ready to do it.

The race was on the coast in Newport and the forecast predicted rain.  That was what we prepared for.  What we didn’t prepare for was the other gems of weather we experienced.

Rain.  Check.

Wind.  Check.

Hail.  Check.

Rain, wind, and hail all at the same time.  Check.

At one point the wind was whipping hail directly into our faces and I couldn’t lift my head for fear I would lose an eye or a tooth.  It was crazy.  We were soaked within the first 10 minutes of the race.  That weather lasted for nearly 4 miles and then it stopped and only misted for the remainder of the run. 

Here’s the cool part: I felt great!  My only goal was that I didn’t want to hold Genevieve back.  I told her from the very beginning that she could ditch me and run ahead at any point if I was being too slow.  I was never too slow.  In fact, there were some moments where I was running faster than she was and had to slow down for her.  I definitely had the reserves I needed.  And my leg?  It hurt but it wasn’t unbearable.  It wasn’t too tight, I wasn’t focused on the pain, and I never felt that I was going to fall down and die.  It was a successful race because of the Grace of God.

It truly was an answer to prayers and a strength to my knowledge that the Lord is always mindful of us; even in insignificant moments like a 10k.

 

When I came home I was met with flowers and balloons from my sweet husband and daughter.  I felt very loved.  It was a good day.

Crap.  Does this mean I’ve started running again?

The Seal is Broken

I’ve quit pretending I’m skilled in my employment as a parent.  Instead, I have decided to completely give in to unsavory parenting trends.

Just look at the distasteful activities we’ve been imbibing in recently:

Trips to Chuck E. Cheese’s – which actually isn’t so bad once you become accustomed to the body odor/kids/mildew stench rising from the carpets.  (I even let her eat lunch there.  Food.  Prepared by a mouse.  It’s the diarrhea rain dance.)

Candyland.  The board game, not my kitchen cupboards.  Eva bent all of the cards within the first 3 minutes of opening the box and I have yet to win a round.  Michael wins every time.  He’s also always the dealer.  Suspicious. 

Eyesight-destroying television viewing.  Is it a myth that sitting close to the TV ruins your eyes?  I sure hope it’s a myth.  I don’t want to have a blind child in 6 years after letting her sit with her nose physically touching the TV screen while she partied like a Preschooler to annoying music.

It’s a good thing no one is paying me for this parenting gig; they’d be getting swindled.