Back East

School started today for Kitty.  I looked away for one second and summer was gone like a stolen wallet.  We had a most delightful summer...I wish it had lasted longer than one second.

Our biggest adventure of the season was flying all the way across the country to visit my punk sister who decided she must live all the way across the country.  It was a long flight - Kitty was thrilled that she could watch 3 movies in a row.  3 movies!  Thankfully my papa sent me noise-cancelling headphones for the flight.  There were a lot of screaming babies.  Poor babies.  I bet their mom's punk sister thinks it's acceptable to live all the way across the country too.

 So what kinds of things should you do when you go back East?  Well, I'll tell you.  I am now going to assault your eyeballs with a gazillion pictures and trip details.  And you'd better like it.

You should go to Boston.  If you're a male, go bake in the sun at a Red Sox game then ride the cramped and stinky subway.  If you're a female, be a responsible adult and wear sunscreen.  Then go on the Freedom Trail.  You might get lost and just wander around the city, but it will still be fun.  Climb all 294 steps to the top of the Bunker Hill monument and sweat like a horse that just climbed 294 steps. Eat delicious Italian ice and treats from an Italian bakery.  Then stand in line forever to eat pizza that seems like it can't possibly be worth the wait, but it will be.  Unless your name is Michael, then you will think it was just OK.  Weirdo.

You should also visit the Chatham seals, play in the ocean along Cape Cod, and see the Nauset lighthouse.  Then eat cupcakes in the parking lot to celebrate my niece's birthday.  Make sure you go in June when it's her birthday or else eating cupcakes in the parking lot would be odd.

Another worthwhile event is flying kites and looking at the tide pools at Brenton Point.  My punk sister will bring a delightful muffaletta sandwich, and you can eat a Del's frozen lemonade while there.  Everyone in Rhode Island is mental about Del's.  You should eat one just to see what all the fuss is about.  The only downside to this activity is my dad will slip on a rock and fall into a seething pile of stinky, rotting ocean slime.  You will have to stand in the muck surrounded by a colony of flies while lending him a hand.  Warning: it will violently induce your gag reflex.  You will momentarily consider just leaving him there to be sucked into the slime, but don't do that.  Once the smell has left your nostrils, you should eat at a clam shack for din din, but watch out for Jaws.

I think you would really like to check out Minuteman park.  But on the way there, have my niece hit the granite curb and pop my punk sister's tire so you can't actually go to Minuteman park.  Spend the day at a city park instead, which will be wonderfully relaxing.  Eat as many peanut M&M's as you'd like.  Stay there until an impromptu thunderstorm sends you sprinting for the car.  Then see the state capitol building.  It is beautiful.

On Sunday you should attend church services and then my niece's baptism.  Although, you'll have to find someone else's baptism to watch since hers is already over.  It will be a really nice day and you can eat more chocolate.  In the evening you can go down to the ocean shore and pick up trash with my punk sister.

Are you tired yet or shall we keep forging ahead on our wonderful vacation?  Let's forge ahead.  You certainly don't want to miss visiting Lowell, Massachusetts.  Learn about the woolen mills and take a trolley and boat ride.  It will be a highlight of the trip and you'll be especially grateful that my dad paid for the boat tickets.  He's generous that way.

What trip back East is complete without seeing ol'Lady Liberty?  She will take your breath away and remind you how blessed you are to live in our spectacular nation.  You will have to arise at an obscene hour in the morning to head out, and you won't return until an obscene hour at night.  You will be stuck in obscene traffic and wonder how people can live like this.  But it will be worth it. Especially when you climb to the top of her crown and look out.  Absolutely worth it. Trust me on this one.  Don't forget to stop off at Ellis Island and find the manifest from when my brother-in-law's dad came over from Sweden.  It will be another sweet reminder of how blessed we are in this nation.

You're probably feeling a bit weary by now.  I know just what you need.  A day at Goddard Memorial Park.  It is relaxing, right by the ocean, and my punk sister will pack a bunch of food and games.  Unless you're a hard-hearted jerk, you'll like it.  Are you a hard-hearted jerk?

For your final shebang, take a ferry over to Bristol and see a 4th of July parade.  It's important you're there on the 4th of July or people will think you're a weirdo asking about a parade in November.  It will be hot and the parade will be long, but you can eat more frozen lemonade and have a nice time people-watching.  Then head back on the ferry and let the kids have a dance-off while dinner is being made.  Watch the fireworks and then drag your weary bones to bed for your final night back East.

It will be really sad to say good-bye to my punk sister.  You will wish you could stay just a few more days.  You will be incredibly grateful for close family relationships and will cherish the memories of the time you flew all the way across the country.

Even though you will be exhausted by the time you make it home, you will be happy you made the remarkable trip.

Now start saving your dimes so you can go!  And take me with you when you do...I know all the good places.