'Fraid

I am unashamed to admit that I have a few fears; a few completely rational and not ridiculous fears.

Like spiders.

Or small spaces.

Or Michael dying on his daily commute.

Or drowning - specifically being trapped beneath the water's surface by a log, boat, someone sitting on my head, etc.

Here's the thing: I'm turning 40 next month.  I'm not afraid of 40, mostly I'm just baffled that I'm actually turning 40.  I decided that I should do something big, face a fear and accomplish a colossally scary task to mark my nearly 40 years of life.  What should I choose...

I'm not making friends with spiders.

I'm not shoving my body into a cramped space.

I'm not letting Michael die on his commute.

Darn. That leaves drowning.

So look what I did:

That's me in the purple shirt.  I look pretty happy don't I?  It was a nervous smile, the kind where you chuckle aloud and force your lips into a curve, but inside you are desperately trying not to vomit.  Or scream out, "We're all going to die!"

I spent the first 20 minutes of the rafting trip with a stomach ache, gripping my oar with enough force to form a blister.  I also had my feet shoved so tightly under the seat in front of me that I nearly lost 6 toenails.

I WAS TRYING NOT TO DROWN! Can you imagine falling out of the raft and getting trapped underneath?!  I can and it makes my spine shudder.

After I realized I probably wasn't going to die, I loosened my grip ever so slightly and began to enjoy myself.  But I kept my feet tightly under the seat in front of me.  My toes were tender for a few days.

There I am in the swirling abyss!  And I lived!  My ear canal took on about a gallon of water, but I didn't fall out of the raft, I didn't drown, and I think I even had a good time.

There was a raft behind us that didn't have a river guide and every person but one was ejected from their boat while going over the big rapid.  Our guide had us maneuver up the rushing water to rescue them.  It took a lot of difficult rowing but we did it.  Not only did I face a fear, I was a hero as well.

Am I still afraid of drowning?  A little.

What?  You didn't expect one little rafting trip to cure me did you?