IVF

If you know me at all, you know that Michael and I have struggled with infertility issues our entire marriage.  That's nearly 20 years if you're counting.  It's been difficult and heartbreaking.

We've done every procedure until our only remaining option was in vitro fertilization - a procedure I never felt like we could responsibly swing financially.  I tried to make peace with only having one child a few years ago.  I was mostly successful, but there was always a nagging in my heart, the dangling fact that we'd never tried IVF.

With our downsize and move to TN, I began to feel like we could responsibly spend the required money to try IVF.  Added to that was the unexpected bonus that IVF in Tennessee is half the cost of what we were quoted in Oregon.  The timing is finally right.

I am not naïve to the fact that I am old now.  I'm also not naïve to the statistics; our odds for success hover around 13%. 

But I have to try.  

I have to be able to look back and know that I absolutely did everything that I could.  I can't have regrets.

As we embark on yet another fertility treatment, I feel different this time around.  For the first 10 years I felt desperate for a child.  For the second 10 years I felt desperate for Kitty to have a sibling.  I don't feel desperate anymore.  Now I feel hopeful.  I'm throwing my Hail Mary pass and seeing where it lands.

I'm still nervous of course. I've had 3 miscarriages and numerous unsuccessful pregnancy attempts.  I'm not eager to add another mark to either of those counts.  But there is peace in my soul.  It's the peace that comes from sincere prayer, and it's the peace that makes anything surmountable.

Even if we aren't successful, I can finally seal up this portion of our lives, move on with confidence that there was nothing left undone, and simply be at peace.  I look forward to that.

So here we go.  Let's see what all this medication does to an old mare like me!