40 and Fabulous!

If you're looking for a good time, I'd suggest turning 40.  Sure, you're halfway to death at 40, but it's not all bad being old.  There are a lot of great things about being old.

• You can smell like urine with impunity
• Strangers don't flirt with you anymore
• There's a new pain in your bones every morning
• Pants with elastic waistbands
• Eating dinner at 4:00

I mean, come on, it's great.  I have the added pleasure of being old and still having acne.  I consulted my medically-trained sister about when I could finally expect my acne to go away.  You know, cuz I'm 40 now.  Do you know what she said?

Never.  It's never going away.

Pssh...Nurse Practioners.  What a buncha turds.

I'll have to squirrel away extra money for my funeral.  I'm sure the mortician will have a supplemental charge to put cover-up on my acne.

Pssh...morticians.  What a buncha turds.  

But seriously, being 40 isn't all bad.  My friends took me to lunch and gave me racy gifts.  I got a pedicure.  Mykey bought me a watch and wireless earbuds for my runs.  Kitty made me a card and announced to her teacher at school that I'm 40 now.  I used cash from my parents to get new jeans. I got an Amazon gift card from my mother-in-law.  My Relief Society counselors and secretary bought me an ice cream cake.  I'll turn 40 everyday if I keep getting ice cream cakes.  

Perhaps the best part about my birthday was Mykey planning an entire day for me.  He even arranged for Eva to stay with her friend so we could be alone.  What a good guy.  We went zip lining to prove that 40 is the new 20.  Neither of us broke a hip so it turned out alright.  We also ate the most delicious tacos from a hole-in-the-wall we found while looking for a different restaurant.  

It was perfect. 

What a great birthday.  I think I'll turn 40 again next year.

Nerrrrd

I was at Target the other day buying secret gifts.  I sent Myke and Kitty to wander elsewhere in the store so they wouldn't peek at my secret gifts.  This is what they found:

The Stormtroopers were REAL!  It was incredibly exciting! Kitty even got a cookie, a bookmark, and a pin.  They reminisced about the encounter for the rest of the day.

Nerds.  Everywhere I turn.  Nerds.

Halloweeeen

This year Kitty wanted our entire family to dress up.

So we did. 

We were the Addams family.  I didn't actually know how to properly apply Morticia's makeup so I used common sense and just kept layering more and more spackle onto my face.

I looked like a drag queen by the end.  A mighty fine drag queen, I might add!

Kitty also wanted to host, "a limited-edition haunted house" for her friends  Those were her words.

So we did.

We made bats and a ghost, hung spider webs and blood splatter around the room.  We had tombstones and creepy music and foggy witch's brew.  But the crown jewel was Mykey's automated spiders that dropped down from the ceiling.  He spent hours getting those babies ready and they turned out pretty great.  I wish I had a better photo but you can kind of see them hanging down on the right side of the table in the picture above.

After dinner and a jaunt through the haunted house, Kitty wanted to go trick-or-treating with her friends.

So we did.

It was a beautiful evening and Kitty scored.  She even saw 3 of her school friends around the neighborhood.  It was extraordinarily exciting!

After all the extraordinary excitement and giving herself a stomachache from over-indulgence, Mama wanted to go to bed.

So we did.

Happy Halloween!

7th Heaven

Kitty turned 7 this year!  It was an explosion of all things feline.  We played cat-themed games: feed the cat beanbag toss, hot kitty, cat dancing, and cat mask decorating.  We even had a unicorn kitty pinata and cake.  It was a blast!

Weeks before her birthday, Kitty sketched what she wanted for her cake.  It was well beyond my skill level but I pulled it off.  I'm amazing like that.

After the party it looked like the house had been overrun by sugar-fueled cats.  Imagine that.

Her actual birthday was on Sunday so she had another present-opening extravaganza.  Every kitty needs a cat Squishmallow pillow, unicorn kitty luggage, and art supplies.  Good thing that's what we bought her.

She also received stuffed animals and a puzzle from Grandma Lisa and money from my parents, which she parlayed into a sno-cone machine.

We even ate ice cream directly out of the carton to celebrate turning 7.

What a wonderful way to honor 7 years of Kitty!  Meow!

Snapshots of Kitty

Here's a peek into the life of Kitty in the Autumn.

Runnin' Fool

Kitty participated in the Jog-a-thon fundraiser at school again this year.  Her goal was to run 10 laps.  Michael pledged 10 bones per lap again, even though I pointed out that 10 x 10 = 100!  He wasn't swayed by my frugality.  

We prayed every night that Kitty would meet her goal, and she practiced at school nearly every day.

The day of the Jog-a-thon arrived and my belly was a flutter with nervousness.  Kitty took off running and I kept track of her completed laps.  I only counted 3.  It appears I cannot concurrently cheer like a maniac and count.  As the Jog-a-thon neared completion, I hoped with my entire Mama heart that she had accomplished her goal.

Well, did she?

Yes! Kitty ran 11 laps!  Her prayers were answered, her goal was met, and we were $110 poorer.

Harvest Festival

We tried a new pumpkin patch this year. It was a raging success! Kitty rode a pony, roped a steer, stood in line for an hour to have her face painted, and ate warm apple cider donuts.  Don't be fooled by the trickery of the camera capturing her seemingly disgusted reaction to the donuts - she ate 3 in a row.

We had an amazingly beautiful and mild Fall this year.  The trees were splendid and we enjoyed a lot of time outdoors.

  

Tooth Departure

Kitty had a mildly loose tooth for a couple of months.  One morning, she was explaining to me that if you lose a tooth at school, your teacher sends you to the office and you get a special tooth-shaped necklace to carry your specimen home in.  

I picked her up from school that afternoon and she had a special tooth-shaped necklace hanging from her neck.  

Kitty had decided it was time to yank that mildly loose tooth out and get that necklace!  She was incredibly animated as she relayed the entire chain of events: the tooth was wiggly so she wiggled it back and forth until it started bleeding.  Then, she consulted with all of her friends as to whether or not she should just pull it out, which they all agreed she should.  So she yanked it out.  Kitty was thrilled that she was sent to the office and given the specimen jar of pride to wear for the rest of the day.  

She carefully authored a note to the Tooth Fairy and we retired for the night. At 2 AM, she was by my bedside, crying that the Tooth Fairy had not arrived yet.  I groggily lead her back to bed and assured her the Tooth Fairy was probably running late and would indeed come to collect her tooth. 

Thankfully the Tooth Fairy awoke from his slumber in time to deliver the gifts.  His only blunder was that he forgot to set out the metallic markers.  I was puzzled and went looking for the markers, then had to explain to Kitty that I knew the Tooth Fairy had one more gift because she had told me so.

Kitty seemed dubious.  Perhaps the jig is up?  I'll be a lot richer if it is.

What a fantastic Autumn!

Ha!

Every so often, Kitty blurts out statements that make me smile.  I may even chuckle once in a while, thus proving my heart is not entirely black.  Here are some noteworthy quips from Kitty lately:

Sitting at the table
Kitty is playing with Wooly, her stuffed lamb toy.  I'm bustling about making dinner.

"Hey, Mom?  Will you please try not to shoot Wooly for our dinner?"

Bedtime snuggles
Kitty is at her desk drawing medicine bottles and cutting them out for her sick cat, Shadow.

Me: "Wow.  That's a great idea."

Kitty: "Yeah, I brought the idea back from medical school when I graduated 1st in my class."

Watching TV
I was introducing Kitty to Bob Ross.

Me: "I wonder how he got his hair to do that."

Kitty: "Maybe he's a clown."

Doing nothing in particular
I was bleeding at a pretty steady flow.

Me: "Man, this one is a gusher."

Kitty loudly breaks wind then exclaims, "Now THAT was a gusher!"

During Family Home Evening
We were talking about trying to be kind like our Savior and improve our efforts day to day.

Me: "Actually, I try to be a jerk everyday."

Kitty: "Well...it's working."



Hmmm...should I be offended?

Photogenic

Kitty loves to swipe my phone when my back is turned and take a bazillion pictures with it.  I don't appreciate her thievery, but I do appreciate all the wonderful shots she snaps when I'm not ready. 

I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty!  I feel pretty and witty and bright!